Kissaphobic [Mickey]

[Graham Kerr]

Graham had been training the team. Hard. For over two hours he'd kept them up in the air, shouting out tactics and whatnot while they were flying around, beaters and chasers and keeper and seeker all working together to form the best team imagineable. He was proud of them, and finally sent them off with a smile and a wave, staying outside for a little while longer.

It wasn't that he didn't long, almost yearn, for a shower, but he was rather worried of what would happen if he ended up in the same shower room as Mickey McKey. Naked. The thing was, after that kiss, after the other had pretty much saved his arse by letting go of him the moment people came in, he was well....intrigued. It made all the difference in the world, knowing that the smaller boy didn't hate him, that he liked him instead. During their practise, he'd been watching him, and hell if it wasn't true, the only word his mind could connect to him at this time was cute.

He knew he'd made a bigger mess of things by kissing him while he'd been drugged, and he didn't want to do something so unfair to the boy again, so he lingered outside as long as he could before finally stepping in the changing rooms and throwing his Quidditch Robes on the bench, hoping the blonde had left by now.

[Mickey McKey]

Mickey was tired in so many ways. Physically, because he'd been training so incredibly hard, and mentally, because Graham seemed to like giving him an extra mental work-out outside of practice. At least, he'd done it more than once now, and frankly the smaller blonde was tired of it, of being hurt and having his head messed with. He knew that the older man didn't mean to do any of it, but that didn't make it any less painful. Hell, he'd been getting over him! Sure, he hadn't been coping too well, and it was taking long enough, but it was passing all the same. And then the bastard had to go and kiss him and undo all his hard work.

As amazing as that kiss had been (and, yeah, it was pretty awesome, Mickey wasn't ashamed of that), Graham had been high. That made all the difference, especially because the small Hufflepuff had convinced himself that the boy didn't like him at all, or not when he was sober, at least. This thought was a regular one in Mickey's mind recently, and the other man had done nothing to assure him otherwise, and even though he hadn't expected him to, it kept upsetting him.

After practice, the blonde practically dragged himself in to the changing rooms, feeling completely wrecked. Generally, he was moving slower, and he ended up being the last person left in the showers. Sighing, he switched the shower off, wrapped a towel around himself and shuffled out to get changed, thinking everyone had left. He stopped in his tracks once he realised he wasn't alone, and found himself gawping mindlessly at Graham for a good few minutes. Great. This was just his luck, only he could land himself in so many awkward situations like this, and it was typical that he couldn't stop himself from staring, either. Eventually, Mickey dragged his eyes away from his elder's absolutely beautiful body, and fixed them on the floor instead. He could feel himself blushing, heard his mouth mumbling an apology, and understood his brain when it told him to get dressed and get the hell out, but his feet felt like they'd been bolted to the floor. The small boy's body obviously hated him.

[Graham Kerr]

Gray was an absolutely horrendous flirt. He'd been told this the one time he had actually tried to seduce someone, last summer in a Muggle club with his friends. His best mate knew about him and had tried to set him up with one of the kids there, but he'd managed to fuck it all up before they'd gotten through a round of beers. Needless to say, he didn't really feel comfortable with flirting with anyone, let alone someone like Mickey.

It was how he referred to him in his head these days. Someone like Mickey. Even Graham wasn't quite sure what that meant, though at some point it had switched from meaning something bad to meaning something...better than neutral. The boy was attractive, and the blonde was rather hoping that, now that they'd stopped fighting, things would become better. He wasn't sure if they would be, since they hadn't had a chance to fight, but this would be an excellent tryout, wouldn't it?

"Hey" He'd let the boy stare for a few before stepping closer to him, almost unconsciously. Graham didn't want the younger Hufflepuff to leave, but if he stepped into the showers now, he most definitely would. Instead he grabbed a towel and haphazardly tied it around his waist, barely caring when it slid down an inch or two to reveal the hairs trailing down to his groin. "Good practise today"

He was trying to make conversation, trying to say anything that didn't sound lame or incredibly painful like 'I'm sorry for kissing you' when he was quite sure that he wasn't sorry in the slightest. The kiss had been amazing, even when the effects of the drugs had worn off, he hadn't felt inclined to stop. But that was need to know information only, and he figured that it was probably best if he didn't tell him this right now.

[Mickey McKey]

Mickey hadn't felt this uncomfortable in a very long time. His body was rigid, he could barely breathe, yet he couldn't help but feel just a little disappointed when the other covered himself up. It was most definitely for the best, though, because even in a normal situation, standing and talking to someone whilst completely naked was just plain weird, and Mickey couldn't stop looking. He'd mentally slapped himself ten times in the past minute for letting his eyes stray, and he still expected to have to do it more.

When Graham stepped closer, the fifth year had to stop himself from taking a step back away from him. Instead, he focused on his questions. "Yeah, well..." He spoke quietly, and at the floor, before raising his eyes briefly to look at Gray. "You're a good captain, so..." And, biting his lip, he trailed off again, lowering his gaze once more to stare at the floor. Mickey hated being here, when one half of him wanted to ask him what the hell had happened and if it'd been even slightly serious, and the other just wanted to discard common sense and kiss the boy again. Clutching his towel tightly with one hand (because he wasn't nearly as much of an exhibitionist as Graham seemed to be), he ran one hand through his wet hair, wishing that the situation would magically become a lot less awkward somehow.

[Graham Kerr]

That made him smile. He was a good Captain, but it was nice to hear it from someone else. This was one thing, the one thing in his life, that he wasn't nearly as insecure about as he normally was. Quidditch was his life, his passion, and he knew that he had the talent and drive to go a long way. And it definitely beat a career in crime. Gray knew, though, that he'd never be able to work as a Quidditch player if he intended to send his brother to art school. Someone needed to be home to take care of their mum, and how would he do that if he was halfway across the world, playing for some team?

"Thanks. You were really great today too" He leaned his shoulder against the wall, absently playing with his towel for a moment, before fixing Mickey with a heated look in dark blue eyes. Did the blonde have any idea how incredibly hot he looked in just his towel? How part of Gray was urging him to step closer and let the towel slip to the floor? There were things in his mind, things that he contemplated doing, that he'd dreamt of doing, that were causing a small blush to grace his cheeks.

How on earth was he supposed to handle this? The boy looked like a frightened animal, and worse than that, they would be together on the team for a long time if he made a mistake now. Things had the potential to get so much worse, and Gray honestly wasn't sure what to say or do right now. He just knew that he didn't want the other to leave, and that, perhaps, kissing him was not such a bad idea.

[Mickey McKey]

A small smile played on his lips as he shook his head. Though today had been a good practice, he'd definitely done better. Unlike Graham, Mickey didn't think he was particularly good at the sport at all, and he knew he wasn't, nor would he ever be, good enough to do it professionally. That was alright by him, he never wanted to, quidditch was nothing more than a good hobby to him. The gorgeous, older man in front of him, however... The young blonde could just see him plastered up on posters all over the country. Mickey raised his eyes to look at him, just in time to catch that look. Which threw him completely

Thoroughly confused by that, the small boy decided that the safest way out of this was to keep talking, and desperately searched for something to say. He went with the thoughts in his head. "I-I...I think you could do this. For good, you know. Like, all the time. You'd be good at it." He stumbled over his words, knowing that his sentence was jumbled, and probably didn't make sense, but that was the best he could hope for right now. Chewing his bottom lip nervously, he watched the other hufflepuff carefully and waited for him to do something, anything, rather than stand there and let him be a nervous wreck.

[Graham Kerr]

"I can't though" It was said softly, the blonde making a move to step towards him, but sitting down on one of the benches instead, running fingers through his damp hair. Gray wasn't sure why he was doing this, why he even contemplated telling him things that he'd kept hidden for over years. Sure, some people knew that his father had walked out on him, that his mum was blind, but they all figured that the family managed somehow. No one knew what it was really like for him at home. "I can't" He repeated it, shaking his head a little before looking back up at Mickey.

God, the blonde was so. It really wasn't fair. "I promised my brother that I'd take care of mum when I've graduated. Can't exactly do that when I'm playing pro" He sounded sad, but resigned. It was something he'd really wanted, to see how far he could go, to be that star Quidditch player and make the national team, perhaps even coach it. He wanted all of that but he knew that it was nothing more than a silly dream.

"It's hard enough as it is now, being here. I fuck up enough too. I really should be trying harder, but I'm just terrified, you know? Part of me doesn't want to graduate and be part of that life. It's selfish as hell, I know it, but I don't want to be stuck caring for my mother while my brother goes off and lives his dream." But he owed Art so much, and he'd do it for him. Without his older brother he wouldn't even have gone to Hogwarts to begin with. He'd never met his friends and he would never have known that there was something other than crime that he was good at.

[Mickey McKey]

Mickey was surprised by this sudden burst of honesty, but this was soon overwhelmed by how bad he felt for the other boy, and this concern was the feeling that showed more prominently on his face. He was nothing less than amazed that Graham had admitted any of this, especially to him, and part of him couldn't help but wonder if the man was high again (surely, sober Gray would never even consider revealing any part of his life to the younger boy?), but he was more stunned by the fact that the other Hufflepuff was in a situation like this. He never would have guessed.

What could his say? Mickey knew what he'd do if it was anyone else, or perhaps if they were both a little more dressed - He'd hug the person for a good, long while. His body had started to take this course of action, he'd stepped towards the tall boy and had started to reach out for him, before he realised what he was doing. In an attempt to cover his tracks, he dropped one hand, put the other one on Graham's shoulder, and looked at him for a few minutes. Eventually, the younger blonde sighed softly, and sat on the bench next to him, looking at the floor.

"That sucks..." He said quietly, bringing his hand up to his mouth and biting the ring on his index finger as he thought. With his mother the way she was, Mickey knew what he should say. He'd tried to look after her for a while, albeit a very short while, before she'd been taken away, but he couldn't cope with it. Not on his own. And though Graham was probably a lot stronger than him, both physically and mentally, he'd probably feel the same way eventually. "But... you can't." He finally found his words, deciding to go in from a different angle. Blue eyes raised, and scanned the other's face. "You can't give up your life like that, or you'll just screw it all up, wont you? And besides, even if you did do that, you couldn't look after her alone. I know your brother's managed it this far, but, well, he's had the idea of something better to keep him going, hasn't he?. You'd be stuck. No... No mother would want to upset their child, or make them stay somewhere they don't want to be, or mess their life up..."

Biting down on his lip, Mickey ran a hand through his hair and turned his attention to a spot on the floor once again. That probably sounded totally different to what he'd intended, and towards the end, he'd even started to upset himself. Every mother wants the best for their child, or at least they should, but he didn't know if his even had room in her mind for him. "I'm sorry if that sounded insensitive. It's just, you work so hard, even I can tell that. You do really good, and you should have better than that. You deserve better..."

[Graham Kerr]

The blonde's hand rested on his shoulder, making something tighten in his stomach. It was a nice sensation though, and he smiled faintly, letting the blonde touch him for as long as he wanted - something that had definitely changed in the last couple of weeks. Gray listened to him in silence, knowing that he was right and hating it. It was the kind of thing that he didn't want to hear, because even though people seemed to want him to change his mind, he couldn't. "My dad ran out on her when I was nine. I can't do the same. She'd hate me." He paused for a second, running fingers through his hair. "It's bad enough being gay and a criminal."

He was really in sharing mood, wasn't he? The Hufflepuff could hardly blame the smaller one for thinking that he was high again, and when it registered a sad look flashed across his face for a second. "I'm not high Mickey" It was said softly, the blonde taking a seat on the bench before looking up at his team mate. "That was the only time, in years. It was just getting to me..the pressure. My friends back home, they've got easy access, sent me some. I felt so stupid when you caught me." Stupid because he could have ruined everything, stupid because Mickey could have told someone and he would have been expelled.

"Then again, what else is new, huh? I tend to feel stupid a lot of the time. Hell, I feel stupid now, telling you all this." Gray gave him a wry smile, hoping that Mickey knew that he didn't feel stupid for saying it to him, just for sharing in general. "I'm not the type who talks about stuff like this...but I guess I just..I've had enough, you know? I don't know what to do anymore..." What he really wanted was someone who would just take him by the hand for a while, someone who would beat down the bushes on the path ahead.

[Mickey McKey]

In complete silence, Mickey chewed on his ring as he listened to the elder talk. He had no idea how to respond to any of this, because his mind was still trying to get around how open Graham was being. At the same time, though, one part of his brain was noting down everything he said and highlighting the key bits, as if storing them for when he decided he was able to form a decent response. It'd be a lot easier if the things he was saying made sense, or if the younger boy knew any background behind them. Criminal? What was he even talking about? Mickey tried to figure out what the tall boy could have possibly done to earn himself such a name.

Eventually, he came to a decision – he didn't care. Here was a man that he'd liked for a long time now, who he'd previously thought had hated him, but was now (sort of) opening up to him. Honestly, analysing him should have been the last thing on his mind. Slowly, but on purpose this time, he put his spare hand on Graham's knee and pulled the other away from his mouth. ”Hey- don't worry.” Mickey said quietly. He couldn't do much to console the boy, but perhaps he could try. ”She wouldn't hate you, I'm sure. And - you know, you're young and smart and gorgeous. You'll get through it. Somehow...”

[Graham Kerr]

Graham rubbed at his forehead when he'd finished speaking, wondering for the umpteenth time why he was telling all of this to someone he'd hardly call a friend. He knew why, though he wasn't really going to admit to himself that a part of him might like the fact that Mickey was attracted to him. He'd tell the world that he just wanted the smaller boy to understand who he was, that he shouldn't like him if he didn't know what he was like, though part of him hoped that the blonde would still, despite knowing his past.

"If you're serious about liking me..." His voice was darker now, the blonde shaking his head. "I mean, you shouldn't. It's not up to me to decide, but you honestly shouldn't. I don't...I'm not boyfriend material" Not that that was even in the cards for them. He couldn't let himself think about the chance that Mickey might eventually become his boyfriend, it was simply too strange and the road was too full of difficulties to look that far ahead.

Rubbing at his forehead again, the blonde got to his feet, towering over the younger boy without being aware of it. "I fuck up. I mean it when I say I'm a criminal. Whether it's hotwiring cars, robbing stores, selling drugs, you name it and I've done it over the summer." He sighed a little, looking at his teammate with a somewhat sad and longing impression. "So you see, you shouldn't."

[Mickey McKey]

The small blonde watched Graham for a long time, eyes never leaving him while he was talking. It was strange to be here like this, especially listening to the elder boy talk about being his boyfriend, which seemed a damn good sight away from what they were right now. They couldn't even be called friends by any stretch of the imagination, Mickey wondered if the tall man made a habit of extrapolating things like this. Nonetheless, he'd manage to watch the other with quite a blank face, even when he stood over him, which frankly never failed to to terrify him. Graham was very, very tall, and very imposing. In that sense, his summer career wasn't that surprising, and he had no doubts that he was very good at it. Either way, it was still a shock to him, and he couldn't help his eyes widening at that.

Slowly, he lowered his gaze to look at his hands, biting his lip as he did so. Mickey sat silent for a few minutes, playing with his fingers, before finding his voice. ”I...don't care.” He said quietly, eyes flicking up to look at the older blonde for a moment. Taking in a deep breath, the young Hufflepuff worked up the courage to let the other in to his life a little. ”I love some fucked up people. I think I can handle liking you.”

[Graham Kerr]

He could handle liking him. Of course Mickey would say something as stupid as that. Gray very nearly growled under his breath, wishing that there was a way he could just convince the smaller boy that he was bad news. But at the same time, there was a part of him that wanted to do the exact opposite, that desperately wanted the other to be right. He wanted to be liked, to be loved, despite his so-called career. Only Reese knew everything about him, and had he been straight he would have fallen for her the very first day they'd met, but unfortunately life hadn't been kind enough to deal him that card. Instead he was stuck crushing on boys and not having the guts to do anything about it.

But this was different. Mickey knew now, and although they weren't friends, there was something there. Maybe it was just Graham being selfish, him knowing that the younger lad liked him, but he had this urge again, to lean into him and kiss him. Did he like him? The taller boy honestly wasn't sure. He knew that he felt relieved to have told him, glad to have been given this response, but if he was being honest with himself, he knew that he wasn't in love with him. Yet, anyway.

He'd noticed the little spark in Mickeys eye as he towered over him, and a snort slipped past his lips as he pulled the boy to his feet, pressing him against the lockers. "So you're not scared of me now, huh? Not worried about what I might do to you?" Gray knew he'd made a mistake the moment he realised how close they were, and suddenly trying to frighten him was the last thing on his mind. Instead he leaned closer, catching the others lips with his own in a rough kiss.

[Mickey McKey]

God, Graham did know how to scare the life out of him. Mickey was half expecting a fist to the face when the man pulled him up, like the one he nearly got when they were in the forest. He'd put his hands up in defence, dropping his towel in the process, but he only had a split second to worry about this before the tall boy's lips were on his once again. For a few short seconds his whole body froze, and then his desires took over, and he fell in to Graham's kiss, hands resting on the other's chest.

Mickey hadn't said he wasn't scared of his housemate. Well, he wasn't scared of him, but he certainly was terrified of what he could do to him. The elder blonde switched so quickly, he changed his mind, his emotions changed, and all in a split second. He seemed to do it a lot, he demonstrated it perfectly just now, and this was all slightly too familiar to him. It was a lot like what his mother would do. And as much as he wanted this, once again his mind was telling him he was stupid. What was to say Graham wouldn't just change his mind again?

The younger boy didn't want to be used, or played around with, and he definitely couldn't handle it either. A creeping, sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach told him that this would be exactly what the older man would do, and all the reasoning Mickey had in him couldn't think of anything to disprove this idea. It started to scare him a little. Graham was only a crush, sure, but the small boy liked him enough. Enough to realise that if the other just threw him away, he'd be devestated. This needed to stop, and he made an attempt, though not a terribly good one, to push the captain away from him.

[Graham Kerr]

The hands on his chest were nice, but as much as Gray was into this kiss, he was also trying to prove a point. He couldn't quite tell you what point he was making, but he lifted the younger boys hands up to the wall, pinning him to it effectively with his body and one strong hand. The other went to stroke somewhere at his hip, neither realising nor caring that the towel had dropped as he pushed himself against the smaller male, relishing in the skin on skin contact.

He wasn't thinking about using Mickey, or what this might do to them. He was just thinking how fucking good it felt, how right, to have him here. To be able to kiss him, touch him, and not have the smaller male leaving him once he found out the truth. In this one instant, Graham was happy. He wasn't worrying about his life, his career, he was simply focusing on the moment and how amazing it felt to kiss him.

Truth be told, the taller Hufflepuff was quite aggressive in his kiss, having pinned the younger one completely against the wall. He didn't think twice about it though, figured that they were sharing a kiss, that Mickey was kissing back and that he understood, somehow, all the things that Graham couldn't put into words. It was all there in his kiss after all. How much he appreciated what had been shared this afternoon. How much he wanted all of Mickeys words to come true. How much he liked him right now, was in there too, he couldn't hide that.