Pick Your Battles [Mickey]

[Graham Kerr]

Graham had managed to avoid Mickey for the better part of a week, getting out of his dorm early in the morning to go for a run, coming back just minutes before curfew. He slipped straight through the Common Room towards his dorm every night, and when it came to breakfast or dinner, he wolfed it down as quickly as he could, or sat with some friends that occupied his mind.

Luckily things hadn't been in the paper, though he wasn't quite sure why Mickey hadn't told anyone. The first night he'd been terrified of going back to his dorms, and he'd actually passed out in the Room of Requirement, only to head straight to class the next morning. Things had been quiet, and over the course of the next week he had settled in a little more, relieved that the smaller blonde hadn't said a word. He was still wondering how long that would take, whether he'd change his mind or not, and he figured that avoiding him would be the easiest thing to do.

Which meant he had to quit Quidditch. He hadn't mentioned it to anyone, but he had canceled practise once this week, and when people had asked him for the new schedule, he had avoided answering it. He didn't want to think about it, didn't want to do it, but what choice did he have but to quit the one thing he loved most? It wasn't important, compared to having his Mickey feel safe.

The blonde had retired to his dorm early this afternoon and was sat on his bed, catching up on some homework. Or that was the plan anyway. In reality he was staring off into space, chewing on his pencil.

[Mickey McKey]

For a week now, Mickey's mood had been growing progressively worse. He wasn't pleased by anything anymore, because each day that passed without Graham even being in the same room as him convinced him more and more that he was right in his judgements of the elder housemate. He'd been a fool to think he'd really wanted anything to do with him, and the more he thought about it, the more evident it became to him. Gray had hated him from the get-go, why on Earth would he think any better of him in such a short space of time? The only reasonable explanation he could come to was the taller man was playing him as the world's biggest idiot, and that idea hurt him like hell.

The young boy had decided that the only way he could get over this would be to try and get back to normal, and to do that, he had to at least pretend like he was happy. As far as anyone else knew, he was perfectly fine, nothing much had happened in his life and the times he'd been sad were simply a bit of a down-period. No one knew a thing, Gray was out of his life and he could live his lie until he forgot about the whole situation and carry on like nothing ever happened.

But when the other Hufflepuff started messing around with Quidditch, Mickey was quite obviously annoyed, and when the rumours of his quitting started about, the obviously slightly annoyed turned in to obviously royally pissed, and he started actively looking for the man. Graham was good at staying hidden when he didn't want to be found, but unfortunately for him, Mickey was incredibly persistant. He'd searched the castle every day, and check the dorms several times over in his attempt to find out what the hell his Captain was thinking. Today was no different, but for the exception that he was lucky that time.

The blonde slipped in to the sixth years' dorm as quietly as he could manage, and watched Graham for a few minutes, until he found he was unable to contain himself any more. "You're an idiot, Kerr." He burst out finally, frowning gently at the other male.

[Graham Kerr]

Gray very nearly inhaled his own pencil, and instead choked on his air supply, coughing for a good few seconds. He'd been so lost in his own mind that he hadn't heard the younger boy come in, and the fact that he was here, had been looking for him, puzzled him. Generally victims of, well, something akin to rape didn't go looking for their attackers. Why on earth was Mickey here with him, in a secluded room, where anything could happen? Was it really that important to call him an idiot? As if he hadn't known already..

"I know. I'll quit the team, I'll stay away, and you won't have to worry about me doing any of that anymore." He kept his head down, eyes focused on his book as he forced the words out. It was hard, having to acknowledge what he'd done, because he never figured he'd be that kind of guy. He had always judged them harshly, threatening to beat up anyone that harmed his friends in that way, and now he'd gone and done something that despicable.

Glancing up briefly, he chewed on his lip before looking back down, trying to tell himself that it wouldn't do any good to notice how exceptionally beautiful the other looked. He didn't deserve him. It was types like Alfie that he could mess about with, people who didn't give a fuck about his feelings. Not someone as beautiful and innocent as Mickey. "I won't hurt you again, I promise."

[Mickey McKey]

That was confusing. Mickey's frown grew as he stared at the other for a few minutes longer, trying to make sense of what he'd said. Graham looked so distraught and upset by his presence... What did he mean he wouldn't hurt him? Unable to get a good understanding of what the darker blonde was on about, he shuffled a little bit closer. "What are you on about?" The younger asked, running a hand through his hair as he did so. Why was it that whenever this man was involved, he always ended up with a headache? "You didn't...What?"

After a few minutes longer of struggling with this idea, Mickey shook his head, as if shaking it away. If his mind worked a bit better, he might have worked out what Gray meant. As it was, he was pretty dim, and just did not get it. Instead, he decided to go back to his original reason for coming here. "I meant... People've been saying you're quitting. And, well, you've just pretty much admitted it to..." At least he'd picked up on that bit, but once again, he couldn't understand why he'd want to leave. Graham loved Quidditch, he'd told him that last time. Something big must have happened to change his mind. "And...Why? We need you." The fifth year resisted the urge to add the words 'I need you' on the end of that, and opted to stand shifting awkwardly from leg to leg instead.

[Graham Kerr]

"Don't." He shook his head, unable to accept that Mickey was trying to be nice about this. He shouldn't have to force back his emotions and pretend like nothing had happened in order to be around him. That wasn't what Gray wanted. He wanted the other to be happy, simple as that, and it would be much easier if he wasn't around. Didn't he understand that? "Don't act like you have no idea what I'm talking about. I know what I did wrong, okay? And I'd tell you sorry a thousand times if it changed anything, but it doesn't."

Gray rubbed at his forehead, something he did when he was distraught and trying to get someone else to see his reasoning. Why couldn't Mickey simply accept what he was trying to do and be done with it? It was honestly for the best. "I love the game, but I'm sure someone else can do just as good a job as I did. And then you won't have to worry about me-" The blonde took a deep breath and bit on his lip hard enough to draw blood "assaulting you again." There, he'd said it. The word lingered in the air between them, long enough for Gray to want to scream, but he sat back on his bed, keeping his eyes focused on the bedspread, waiting for the other to understand and leave.

[Mickey McKey]

But Mickey didn't understand, and he certainly didn't leave. Instead, he scrunched his face up even more, to a point where he was sure he couldn't look any more unattractive, and his face muscles started to hurt so he had to relax his face again. To compensate for this, he took a few cautious steps towards the man. ”Gray?” He asked, his tone of voice echoing how confused he was. ”What the hell are you talking about, assaulting me? Are you drunk or something?”

To the small blonde's knowledge, there's been no assaulting going on, in any form. Unless Graham had drugged him or something similar, which he seriously doubted, he'd not touched him since that episode last week, and whatever the other Hufflepuff was talking about certainly didn't take place before then. For a moment, Mickey entertained the idea that this was one elaborate reason for him to quit the team, but quickly dismissed that whole thought. That was too obscure a reason, and he looked truly upset about this. The younger male felt the need to touch him, hug him or anything to help him feel better, but he sensed that this would be less than appropriate. ”Look, I don't understand what's going on in your head... but you haven't hurt me in any way. And we really do need you, you know that. The team knows it too, they're all panicking. You're bleeding.” Acting on impulse, Mickey reached out a hand to wipe the blood off of Gray's lip as he continued. ”And you need us too... Or at least, you need the sport.”

[Graham Kerr]

Hadn't hurt him in any way. Right. Why did the blonde feel like lying over this? It was fairly obvious what had happened. "You begged me to stop and I didn't! What the hell else would you call that, Mickey?" Gray shifted away from him when Mickey reached out towards him, not wanting the other anywhere near him. What if he couldn't stop himself from wanting to kiss him again? The image of a crying Mickey came to mind and it was literally hurting him inside. No matter what happened, he couldn't do that again. Ever. He'd promised himself that and he'd stick to that.

"Like I said" He continued, breathing through gritted teeth to keep himself from snapping at the younger male again. "the team will be alright. You'll find another Captain to take over. Maybe Ashley can help, he was a great Captain back in America." Even though the wheelchaired blonde couldn't fly, he knew all about the sport and had given Gray some tips that had definitely improved the team. "It's for the best. You'll be safe and that's all that matters, okay? So don't try and be some hero here, because it's damn hard as it is, giving up something I love, but I have to. I can't let anything like this happen ever again." What if, next time, Mickey didn't have the strength to stop him? He couldn't trust himself around the blonde.

[Mickey McKey]

For a few minutes longer, Mickey stood blinking at Graham like some airhead blonde until his brain clocked on to what was going on. A look of alarm spreading across his face, Mickey swore under his breath and shook his head. He resisted the urge to jump on the elder blonde and hug him better, because he didn't seem very comfortable with being close right now. "Oh, honey, no." Was his response in lieu of the hugs he wanted to give. He noted that he'd sounded camper than ever in that one sentence, but shook this out of his mind. "No, no. You can't quit because of that. That's rubbish."

Slowly, Mickey lowered himself to the floor next to Graham's bed and stared at his fingers as he played with the ring on his finger. He couldn't believe that his housemate had misunderstood him so badly at first, but then he thought back a week and recalled what had happened, and as he started to understand he found it more unbelievable that he hadn't spotted it earlier. Man, he'd been stupid, and he'd upset the taller blonde so much. "Oh man, Graham... You didn't do anything wrong. Yeah, I was scared... Not of that, though." He sighed and chewed his lip, looking up at the older man and cursing him for being so damn adorable when he was in a state like this. "I... God, this'll sound so lame. I was scared that, well, that you'd leave me or something..." This sounded so damn pitiful, Mickey almost felt sick at his own words.

[Graham Kerr]

"You were...what?" Graham blinked down at him now, confused as ever. What on earth was Mickey on about? Worried that he'd leave him? Why would he...he'd gone and kissed the boy twice now, and the younger one thought that he'd...that he'd play with him or something? He let out a slow breath, glancing at his fingers that were splayed over his own knee. "You must really think I'm a douchebag." He'd tried to be honest and give him something real, and the response he got was that the younger male assumed he was just going to use him and throw him away?

He'd get angry if he wasn't so miserable and relieved at the same time. He wouldn't have to quit Quidditch? He could continue being the teams Captain and hopefully lead them to victory? "I wouldn't, I mean...I don't use people that like me." He'd figured it out over the week, that he wasn't just attracted to him, but that he really wanted to see where this could lead. No, he wasn't in love with him, but he had a feeling that he could, if they just took a chance. The thing was, he wasn't sure if he wanted to, if he was ready. Making out with Alfie was one thing, starting a relationship when he fucked up so much already was quite another.

[Mickey McKey]

Mickey shook his head softly, eyes still fixed down once again. He didn't think Graham was like that, honestly, He just didn't know. The only side of the boy he'd ever known was the one that would sooner punch him than look at him, so how could he possibly know how he'd treat people like that? The sixteen-year-old was the biggest uncertainty in his life at this moment, and it was such a big thing to be uncertain about, it terrified him.

"I didn't think you were like that." the small Hufflepuff sad quietly, hugging himself as he did so. He hoped to God that Graham believed him - He'd learnt that the boy could be damn difficult when he wanted. "I just... I really like you. And everyone I like..." Mickey hated how incredibly pathetic he was sounding, and, running a hand nervously through his hair, he gulped hard, swallowing down any pride he had left. "Everyone leaves me. So I'm always scared when I like people. It was just stronger with you..." Finally, he sighed, biting on his lip once again. He had a feeling his feeble explanation was falling on deaf ears, and could only hope that Gray knew what he was trying to say.

[Graham Kerr]

Fortunately for Mickey, 'everyone leaves' was a concept Gray was more than familiar with. It was something he'd thought for a long time, and still did sometimes. His friends tried their hardest to convince him that it wasn't true, but when it came down to it, he didn't have that experience with anyone he really loved. His dad had left and he was terrified that the same would happen if he ended up dating. Which was another reason he hadn't come out of the closet, and one of the many excuses for fooling around with Alfie. It was a hell of a lot simpler than trying for something real.

"I know how that feels, actually" He said it softly, curling his long legs underneath him as he gazed down at the blonde for a moment. "But I still don't really understand...You were worried that I only wanted a kiss from you?" The older male had been toying with the thought of telling him about Alfie, but he wasn't sure what the smaller boy would make of it. He'd either understand what he was trying to say or make a whole scene out of it.

Eventually though, he figured that he ought to try. "I really hope you don't take this the wrong way, but...if I just wanted to snog someone, well, you've seen me with Alfie before. That wasn't the only time it's happened. I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you." Gray ran fingers through his hair absently, wondering whether Mickey would understand.

[Mickey McKey]

The last sentence made Mickey perk up a little bit. After his initial relief at Graham's understanding, he'd been feeling progressively worse until that point, as the older boy inadvertantly pointed out the flaws in his thoughts, or rather, why he should have been more rational at the time. He hadn't really been sure of what he was worrying about, he had no real reason to not trust the other Ravenclaw, and he supposed there were plenty of other people who he could have kissed. If he looked at it like that, he'd been so stupid to ignore all those signs.

Mickey decided to overlook the comment about Alfie, even if it did stir a bit of jealousy in the pit of his stomach, and instead gave Graham a bright-eyed look. "You...Really? Why?" He frowned, and chewed his lip as he reconsidered this. "I mean...You hated me not too long ago and...Why?" He was asking all these questions partly to satisfy his own curiosty, but also to try and work out why Graham changed his mind in such a short space of time. Taking a chance, he clambered to his feet and sat carefully on the edge of the bed, focusing on his hands but failing to resist stealing glances at the tall blonde.

[Graham Kerr]

Why was a good question indeed. Gray watched Mickey climb up on the bed, chewing on his bottom lip as the smaller one sat down only to look at his hands. This was an awkward situation, but the blonde felt like he had to at least try this time. Sure he'd talked to him, had told him things he wouldn't tell just anyone, but it wasn't personal. It wasn't feelings-stuff like what he ought to talk about now. He just hoped that Mickey would approve of what he could force out of his mouth, if anything at all. He didn't feel like his brain would cooperate, like he could form sentences or even words, but eventually he managed.

"I don't know" Well that was just the greatest answer, wasn't it? "I mean. You know me, about me, and you don't care. And that's just kinda ridiculously awesome in it's own right, and it doesn't hurt that you're like totally fucking cute either." Graham gave him a half embarrased, half shy sort of smile, rubbing at his neck with one hand. This was probably the best that he could explain, though he felt the need to tell him that it wasn't just lust, or finding him physically attractive.

A flush appeared on his cheeks as he parted his lips again, biting down on his cheek for a second. "I just. I guess you kinda grew on me. And I really don't like it when you're not around." Pause. "Are you really going to force me to say more? I'm not real good with this stuff."

[Mickey McKey]

His eyes dropped and fixed themselves on the bed covers as Mickey tried to stop himself from grinning like a madman. He'd grown on Graham, which meant that the man liked him. Sure, he felt like an idiot for misreading the situation so badly, but that paled in comparison to how happy he felt right now. He'd crushed on the other male for a long time, and, if he was honest to himself, it'd been rapidly growing in to a stronger feeling. Knowing the older Hufflepuff was starting to feel the same was like a breath of fresh air.

"I'd like you to say more." Mickey giggled slightly, running a hand through his hair and meeting Gray's eyes again. "But you don't need to. It's just doing wonders for my confidence." He gave the blonde a small, shy smile, and promtly followed this up by biting the ring he wore - a sure sign that he was thinking about something. This time, it was whether he should let the other in to his life a little bit. Graham had told him do much, but Mickey had let on very little. "I really like you," he ended up blurting out, unable to bring himself to tell him anything else. "I always have, since... God, since forever. Everything about you, I just... I don't even know what it is. And it was like torture because... well, you hated me. Or I thought you did, and..." He realised he was babbling, and bit down on his lip to stop himself.

[Graham Kerr]

The blondes giggle was cute, and Grays lips curled up in a handsome smile as he listened to him babble. His hand went out towards the smaller one as he brushed a strand of hair from his face, before taking Mickeys hand to stop him from biting that ring again. "Sorry" He explained, a half smile on his face, "You have to stop doing that, it's kinda driving me crazy. Good crazy, but still." The last thing he wanted was to pounce on the younger male again, though in a way that was exactly what he wanted to do.

As the other Hufflepuff shut himself up, Gray let out a small huff. "Well, I have to admit, it was rather hard to like you when you kept bugging me wherever I went. I just never realised that...well it's kinda the way little kids get someone they like to notice them - no offense. I know I'm hardly any more mature in handling this situation, but I figured I must've done something to make you hate me that much." He was happy now, that things were so different. That Mickey liked him, that he hadn't hurt him, and that they actually had a shot at something real.