Forgive Me, For I Have Sinned [Bayne]

[lukas]

Lukas sat down on the trophy room floor, wrapping his arms around his knees and sighing deeply. He looked at the paper in his hand one last time before sending it off with one of the schools owls that he'd taken all the way from the owlery to here. He wanted to be here before Bayne was, if the other would even come. They hadn't seen too much of each other as of late, as Luke had been in the hospital wing for over a week, in his girls form, and had refused to see his future boyfriend.

He wasn't too sure why he didn't want to see him, except that he felt embarrassed and terrible for lying to him. And he generally tried to stay away from everyone, even Bryn. Brooke was easier since the two were still fighting, but he hadn't wanted to hang out with anyone, hoping that by the time he came around, no one would bring up his rape anymore.

But Bayne deserved the truth, he knew that now, and that was why he'd sent him a letter. It was odd, how they were almost always communicating by letters. Not a good start to a relationship, but at least he was trying to be honest.

Bayne,

can you come see me in the trophy room as soon as you get this? I really need to talk to you.

x Luke

[Bayne Williams]

Bayne had spent most of the week trying to console Brooke. She'd been in a right state, saying all kinds of things. She didnt want Bayne to be around Luke anymore and part of him understood why. But it was Brooke who'd wanted him to go for Luke and it was Brooke who put most of her energy in it. Bryn hadnt been around Luke, preferring to keep his sister safe than his best friends feelings. Bayne had also been staying around Bryn and Brooke and so in short, Luke had lost everyone. After a while Bayne had stopped trying to visit Luke as it was clear the boy didnt want to see him. Which angered Bayne really, because he was the one who was trying to sort this damn mess out.

Bayne was sat on the couch in the common room, Brooke's head on his lap as she stared up at the celing. The bird landed on the arm of the couch and stuck out its foot for Bayne to remove the letter. Brooke looked up at him, her pale blue eyes looking at him. Except, everytime he looked into Brooke's eyes, Brooke wasnt there. They were empty, afraid and deeply upset and he knew it was because she'd lost Luke. But the girl was still too afraid to have anything to do with him and wouldnt admit she missed him at all.

He read the letter and sighed. "Who is it Bayne?" Brooke asked, Bayne handed her the letter as she read it. "Wonder what he wants this time?" Her voice was hollow, it pained Bayne to hear her speak so flatly when she was usually full of life and energy. "You better go to him. He'll only end up catching his death of cold by staying in there if you dont... then he'll come back and haunt us and we'll never get rid of him." Brooke sat up and ran her hand through the blonde locks. "Go Bayne... Seriously. But be careful." Bayne stood up and pulled her to him for a hug. "I love you Brooke Kennedy. Dont ever forget that, you're like a sister to me and I love you." She smiled, "I love you too Bayne."
"Maybe you should think about forgiving him. It wasnt really his fault Brooke and you know that." Bayne smiled. "Yeah... I know its not but I just cant at the moment. In time I will but I cant yet."

He walked the corridors silently and pushed the door open to the trophy room. He didnt know why Luke had dragged him here when they were in the same house. It made absolutely no sense to him but Bayne just wanted to get back to check on Brooke. He found Luke sat on the floor yet Bayne didnt approach him. He wasnt falling out with him, but he was confused as to why Luke didnt want to see him for the past week. "You summoned me Lord Clarke."

[lukas]

Luke bit his lip, knowing that he'd properly messed things up this time. The reason he hadn't approached Bayne in the commons was because he didn't want the other to make a scene, or perhaps he would've been the one to cause the scene - depending on how his 'friend' would have responded. Plus, he was around Bryn and Brooke all the time, and neither of those wanted to spend time with him. In short, he'd tried his best to be selfless and make this easier for everyone else. And maybe a tiny part of it was selfish, not wanting to have to tell Bayne what had happened. It was easier this way. But he was sick of easy, sick of hiding away and trying to do what was best. Since when had he become this weak?

"Please don't say that..." He whispered, looking up at the other without getting to his feet. He needed the older Gryffindor to come to him, to show him that he really wanted to be around him, even if that was all it was. Even if they would be nothing more than friends. "I know I've been absent for the past week, but I needed time to sort things out. And you were with Brooke, who, if you haven't noticed, doesn't really want to acknowledge I exist these days. I didn't want to make it any harder for her than it has to be."

Already he felt like he was saying all the wrong things, that this would inevitably lead to another scene, where the two would end up being even more separated than they were now. "I've missed you" That was about the truest thing that he could say.

[Bayne Williams]

Bayne just shrugged, honestly what did Luke expect him to say. He'd screwed up royally this time and he had to be there for Brooke, he'd known her a lot longer than Luke and she'd needed him. When it came down to it the Kennedy's were Bayne's extended family, it was just the way it had always been and nothing could change that but Luke making excuses when Bayne had tried just wasnt good enough for him. Like he cared what Luke was, hadnt he proved again and again nothing like that mattered to him? Obviously his intentions werent clear enough, but now his own faith was being knocked down, he didnt know what to expect anymore.

"What do you want me to say?" He asked, looking at the boy on the floor. Looking sallow, upset, underfed and a little pathetic if he was honest. Still, Bayne wasnt the kind of person to not help and he couldnt stop caring, even if sometimes he wanted to. "You dont know Brooke. At least not who she really is so if you think she doesnt want to see you, you're wrong." He couldnt help it, his tone was hardened but he was having some loyalty issues. "She's frightened and stubborn, two traits you ought to know well by now. But she does miss you." Bayne turned around and faced one of the trophy cabinets. "But if you're going to cut people out in times like this, when you need people then..." He shook his head. "If you cant trust someone wholly, if I cant trust you to come to me when you're in trouble... or you cant trust me for whatever reason then there is no future for us. And thats the hook, like and the sinker."

He turned back and sighed, looking at Luke. "Ive missed you too... But even so... You cut us off, shut us out... And this is the result."

[lukas]

Lukas listened to him in silence, drinking in every word without replying. How did it happen that every time he figured he was doing something right for once, someone came along to tell him he was messing everything up as usual? He'd honestly tried to give her space, as Brooke had flat out refused to acknowledge him, and now he was being told he should've tried harder? Yeah, Bayne was right about one thing, he shouldn't have shut HIM out, but as far as the Kennedy's went, they had both requested space. Not allowing that seemed it would have an even worse outcome.

"I know I'm a jerk." If he had to grovel, he would. He was getting sick of this life without his friends, and he was thoroughly miserable. There was one good thing about this time out though, it made him realise just exactly how he felt for Bayne. And it was stronger than he'd thought. He'd honestly missed him a lot. "I do trust you. I just...I was trying to protect Brooke. They told me that if I told anyone what really happened, they'd hurt her. What was I supposed to do? I figured..maybe I'd fuck us up, but at least she'd be safe. It'd be selfish to take a shot at my own happiness when I could just as easily ruin her life with it."

He ran fingers through his hair, savouring the fact that at least Bayne had looked at him. Tiny little things, but they meant something. They had to. "I'm sorry...I really am. I just tried to do what was best for everyone else instead of me for a change. If I would've been selfish I wouldn't have let you even leave me that night. Or any other night, for that matter. I would've made you stay with me, cause that's what I really wanted." Lukas paused for a moment, not really used to sharing things like this. "It's what I still want, but I guess I can accept it if you don't anymore. If you decided this isn't worth it." He was asking if Bayne still thought HE was worth it, but he had a feeling he wouldn't really like the answer.

[Bayne Williams]

Bayne listened to him grovelling, he seemed genuinly sorry for what he'd done. Bayne hadnt wanted things to get this far, especially as Brooke was his best friend and Luke was... well Bayne wasnt sure what Luke was anymore. Folding his arms across his chest he listened in silence, hearing the same excuse that Brooke had already told him. Bayne shook his head, he understood what Luke had done and even why he'd done it, but didnt Luke think that if he'd have told Bayne, Bayne would have been able to keep Brooke safe? You couldnt trust people who blackmailed you, usually they did go back on what was said, in his life, Blackmail was a big part of their daily routine.

"You're not a jerk, you acted stupidly... again... but that doesnt make you a jerk." Bayne's voice was low but he knew that Luke would understand what he was saying. Bayne didnt know what he was doing here or what Luke wanted from him, all he knew was that a note had come and Bayne had rushed to it without even really thinking things through. Typical. Luke says jump and he says how high.

Once Luke had finished speaking, Bayne let out a sigh. Honestly, this was what it took for him to realise that he had feelings for Bayne too? A small smile flickered onto the Gryffindor's face as he took a step towards the smaller boy. Blue eyes flickering warily. But once the distance was crossed he pulled Luke into his arms and just held him. Bayne breathed out slowly, not really knowing what to say, only knowing that right now Luke was on his own and Bayne didnt like it. "We'll figure it out. But next time you've got to tell me or I cant help you and I want to be able to help you. You dont have to do everything by yourself." He pressed his lips lightly to the top of Luke's head. "You have me. You're not alone."

[lukas]

Luke breathed out a sigh of relief as Bayne scooped him up in his arms, happily bringing his arms around the taller male. He resisted the almost overwhelming urge to nuzzle into him, instead breathing in his scent as inconspicuously as he could. Which, considering how much he was clinging to him, was probably a lot less subtle than he attempted to be. "I'm a bit stupid. Well, a lot stupid. And slow. But you know, I finally managed to figure out that I'm kinda unhappy without you."

Pulling back enough to look at him, his eyes were warm as fingers threaded through Baynes short hair. "And oh, don't make me say shit like this because you know I'm bad at it, but I'd really kind of like it if you would be more than a friend." He felt extremely vulnerable, looking into his eyes while saying this, but damn it, it needed to be said.

"I might have to hit you if you say no, just a fair warning." Luke chewed on his bottom lip, still molded against the others body. He was so warm and lovely and he was finally here. He was finally not alone anymore.