Not Alone [Brookie]

[lukas]

Lukas was getting pretty annoyed with the whole situation. He'd tried his hardest to protect Brooke and although Bryn seemed to understand, his sister was an entirely different matter. She'd shouted at him to leave her alone, that she didn't want to see him anymore, and for the better part of a week he'd done exactly what she wanted. He figured that once she talked to Bryn she'd change her mind, that she would understand he wasn't to blame for what happened. It was something she'd yelled at him too, that it was all his fault. And though he believed it at times, he knew that he'd done everything he could to prevent her from getting hurt. It was about damn time she saw it too.

She'd kept her distance from him, hiding up in her dorm or wherever she was when she wasn't in the Common Room. And though he'd given her her space, he was about to change that. She didn't know his neat little trick, but Lukas could get up to the girls dorm as easily as he could walk up to the boys sleeping rooms. One good thing that had come from being born physically female, and he was viciously thankful for it as he padded up the stairs early that evening, hoping to corner her when none of her friends were around.

[Brooke Kennedy]

Brooke was currently going through all of her stuff in the little bedside cabinet. The feelings were still fresh from last week and she hadnt been able to look at Luke in the eye. Bryn had tried to soften her up but honestly, Brooke had never been as scared as that in her whole life and it was that fear she couldnt get past. Not to mention for all the years she'd known Luke he'd never trusted her enough to tell her his secret and that had hurt more than anything. If Danny hadnt found her she wouldnt have known what to do. Now, walking around the corridors her confidence had taken a huge battering and she often walked with her eyes to the ground rather than her head held high.

If she was honest, she was sort of frightened of Luke. She was scared for him, scared of him because of everything and terrified of the repurcusions being around him could have on her and Bryn. Not to mention Bayne. Right now, Brooke's mind was awash with too many thoughts that she couldnt get a grip on. She wanted somehow to distance Bayne from him so he wouldnt get hurt, she wanted Bryn to stop being Luke's best friend, even though Bryn hadnt been around Luke for a week Brooke knew he was still Luke's best friend. And Brooke didnt want anything to do with Luke at all.

Unfortunatly her peace was about to be destroyed.

She turned around as the dorm room door opened. She gave a startled yelp when she saw Luke standing in the doorway. "How...!" She stopped her sentance midway. She was in her normal clothes but her hair was a mess and she had no make-up on. This Brooke was not the one everyone knew and loved. Her eyes became hard and stony and her voice had an edge to it. "Shouldnt surprise me... you are afterall a girl." Brooke turned around and placed the final shirt on the top of the trunk before closing the lid. "What're you doing here? Didnt I tell you I didnt want to see you again?"

[lukas]

Her words were cruel, more than he wanted to hear but no less than he had expected, and he'd made sure to build up a wall around his heart to stop himself from hurting too much. This was going to be fixed, end of damn story, and he wasn't going to let her ruin their friendship for any lesser reason than not wanting to see him ever again. Which he doubted would happen. She loved him, no matter how angry she might be with him. Didn't she?

"Ah, you know then, do you? Is that part of why you never want to see me again or is that just because of what happened?" It wasn't in Luke's nature to stay calm about things like this, but for once he tried his hardest. Just like with Bayne, it was important enough to try and exceed the expectations people had of him.

Yeah, he knew it was probably safer if people weren't around him, but the worst had been done already hadn't it? What else could they do to get back at him, without risking expulsion? They wouldn't go after Bayne or Bryn, who could protect themselves, and no one else was close enough to him to suffer the punishment. They'd chosen their target well.

Running fingers through his hair, Luke rested in the door frame, shutting off her only chance of escape. "I came here because this whole thing is bullshit Brookie. You and I shouldn't be fighting. For any reason."

[Brooke Kennedy]

She was hurting him, she knew that. She knew her words cut him deep but she couldnt find it in herself to care. Part of her was now afraid of him, and that was dangerous. She didnt know him, at least it felt like she didnt. All of these years, she'd cared for him, looked out for him, loved him like a brother and he'd never even been honest with her. She couldnt forgive him for that. She was hurt too, she had a few brusies on her arms from where they'd grabbed her. Scratches from running through the forest and her pride was dented and her trust had been shaken.

"Yeah, I know." Her tone was icy, though she was stood awkwardly. She felt entirely uncomfortable and the fact Luke was being uncharacteristicly calm was giving her the willies. "Yes it is, and no. Its part of the reason because you couldnt trust me enough to tell me, I had to find out of guys who pinned me down, hurt me and tried to do... stuff... But if you had told me do you really think I would care? Do you really think I'm as shallow as that?"

Her voice was raising, but not in anger. It was edged with fear and hysteria. She didnt want to be near him because she was scared that it would happen again. The people who did this had been smart, they'd gone for one of the weakest people in the group. They hadnt gone for Bryn or Bayne, hell no they'd have kicked their arses from here to Timbucktoo. If it hadnt been for Danny, she wouldnt have gotten through this. He'd been like a rock to her. She would always love him for that.

Brooke raised her eyebrows. They shouldnt be fighting? "If anyone holds the right to be pissed off with you, I believe that right lies with me." Her voice became hard, her eyes accusing. "Whereas you do not have the right to come in here acting like the matyr when all of this is your fault. Because you are too cowardly to admit what you are I got hurt! Did you ever think for one moment if you'd have been honest we could have avoiding all of this? But no, instead you chose to continue hiding under that damn rock, hiding who you really are, and its those you supposedly care about that have to deal with the fallout from your decietfulness." She stopped and turned around, forcing the trunk close. Thank heavens it was nearly break, she could go home and forget about this sorry affair. "I can not believe I was so stupid as to trust you. As to consider you my best friend. Fuck's sake Luke... or whatever your name is... just leave me alone you've done enough damage already. Just stay away from all of us."

[lukas]

The last thing he wanted was to end up in tears, but she was definitely trying to get him to that point. Lukas wasn't a boy who cried easily, not for silly things like movies and whatnot, but when people genuinely hurt him, when they set out to really be cruel, then he'd cry as easy as any girl would. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he breathed through it a couple of times, trying to stop himself from being the old Luke who would just jump out of his skin and yell at her for being such a stupid cunt. He couldn't do that, if only because she was right about a lot of things. If he had told everyone, he could have avoided this.

Then again, if he had told everyone, he'd have to deal with people picking on him day after day, people hurting him. Yeah, it had been selfish, but he hadn't known things would end up this badly. If he had, did she really think he'd have done the same? "You're acting as if I knew this would happen. That's completely insane! How could I know that those people would hurt you, huh? Do you really think I would have kept my secret if I knew this was going to be the result? Well I damn well wouldn't have Brookie!"

God, he couldn't believe she was acting like this. Yeah, she had every right to be mad, but this wasn't all his fault. It wasn't like he could have predicted this. He'd only been trying to do the right thing, to keep himself from getting hurt. And yeah, he should've told her before, he was sure she wouldn't have minded, but it was a big thing to tell. Not something you'd simply say to your friends. No matter how awesome they were.

"I tried, okay? I wanted to tell you, for a long time, but everytime I didn't, it got harder. It's not that you did something wrong or whatever. I know you aren't that shallow." Except that right now, she was. She was telling him that she didn't want to see him again because he'd kept a secret from her. One that wasn't meant to hurt anyone. "I'm not going to stay away. Not from anyone. Bryn won't want me to, and whether or not Bayne does is up to him when I tell him.

For fuck's sake, I lied to him because I tried to keep you safe! I had to sit there and tell him that I just got beaten up, so those guys wouldn't go and do the same thing to you as they did to me! Well guess what, they actually succeeded in raping me Brooke, so give me a damn break. It's not as if I haven't got my punishment already!"

[Brooke Kennedy]

Brooke slid down onto the edge of the bed. Her head was in her hands, the rational part of her mind of course knew that none of this was Luke's fault. But she couldnt get out of her mind what those boys had told her. A) Luke was really a girl and B) They told Luke if he told anyone they would hurt Brooke... how can she be sure Luke had done everything to protect her, like he said he had? Brooke just shook her head, she didnt want to deal with this right now, or ever if she had the choice. She just wanted to be left alone. "Dont call me Brookie..." Her voice was low and shaking. Her blue eyes were full of water, she just didnt want to deal with it.

Sometimes people did right things for the wrong reasons, or vice versa. Brooke always tried to do what was best, whether it was right or wrong. She spent so much of her time trying to make other people happy that she often forgot to make herself happy. She'd always been one of those kind of people, the one who was happy by seeing other people happy. But when something really knocked her, it took her a long while to be able to stand up again.

"But you didnt tell me. I know why you didnt, I get it." She shook her head, the blonde locks falling free from her face. She looked at him when he spoke again and she found herself rolling her eyes at him. "Stubborn as always." She pushed some of her hair behind her ear and looked up at him. For once, his eyes were dry, whereas hers were not. "Fine, dont stay away from Bryn or Bayne whatever... see what I care."

"You want my sympathy now? Sorry I'm fresh out." Her tone turned icy again. Honestly, she didnt know whether to believe what he said anymore. How was she to know whether everything that came out of his mouth was a lie. He was hurting, she could see that. Standing up, she walked right over to him and threw her arms around the boys neck. She wasnt a nasty person by nature, and if Luke knew anything about her he should know she didnt mean what she said. "I'm sorry Luke... I love you but... I dont think I could trust you again." She buried her head into his neck, he was her best friend in the entire world. Her's and Bryn's... they were like one happy family... or they used to be.

[lukas]

Her words were nothing, nothing compared to the last thing she said. All the nasty things, he could deal with those, but her never trusting him again? Ever? That was something he hadn't wanted to hear from her. He knew that what he'd done was messed up, that their friendship was on shaky grounds, but he always figured that they could fix it. That it'd take some time, longer than he wanted and could stand, but eventually they'd be fine. Except they weren't, and judging by her tone, they wouldn't be.

"Do you really mean that?" Lukas said it softly, his fingers buried in her hair as they'd done on so many occasions, but he pulled back too soon for his own liking, not wanting to be in her way if she honestly felt like that. "Do you really think you can never trust me again? Because...Well, I'd be wasting your time here, trying to get you to forgive me, if we can never be friends again like we were."

The blonde took a step away from her, sighing deeply as he sat down on one of her roommates beds. His hand absently went to smoothe out the creases on the covers, a worried expression on his face. "I didn't think I was asking for too much with that, but I guess I was wrong. If you really don't think you can trust me again, if you're sure about that...well, then I won't be in your way, will I? The last thing I want is to hurt you any more than I already have."

It killed him, but for once he was being selfless. This wasn't about him, about wanting her in his life and needing her so much it felt like his heart was actually ripped out of his chest. This was about what she felt was the right thing to do. And if she didn't need him, if she was fine with just Bryn and Bayne, if things would never be the way they were..well then maybe he shouldn't be in her way anymore.

[Brooke Kennedy]

Brooke honestly wasnt thinking about what she was saying. Right now she felt as though she could never trust him again, even though she wanted to. She wanted to believe it was just a one-off, that he'd only lied once but she couldnt be sure about it. She wanted their friendship to survive, true Luke was really her brothers best friend, Bayne was hers but she couldnt help feeling like she was about to lose a family member over something small. When she looked up and into his eyes, she saw the hurt behind them and instantly Brooke felt like she had to comfort him. The problem was she didnt know.

"I dont know." She looked away from him and buried her head in his chest. His fingers brushed gently through her blond locks. "I want to trust you Luke I really do but... I dont know right now if I can." She wound her arms around his back, "No, not wasting time. Just need time to figure it out, its still all messy in my mind but I do want to trust you and in time I will... see not making any sense at all."

Brooke went to sit opposite when he moved from her, holding herself awkwardly. The warmth she'd had momentarily from him. Her eyes dipped to the floor, was this as awkward for him as it was for her? She couldnt speak, instead she busied herself trying not to let the tears fall.

After what seemed like an age of silence, Brooke lifted her head, eyes glistening from the tears she was trying to hold back before whimpering. She couldnt not have him in her life, even if she didnt trust him. Brooke needed Luke, there was nothing more about it. She just needed him, without him, as she'd figured out, there was something missing from her. "I do need you Luke... I really do."

[lukas]

Luke listened to her, acting on impulse when he pulled her back into his arms, settling the girl onto his lap. "I don't care if it takes time. I'll fight for it to happen again, you know I will. I just need to know if you can, and if you say you'll trust me again in the future, then I'm sticking around." She was his best female friend. She was as much his sister as she was Bryn's, and he couldn't imagine his life without her.

"I've been wanting to tell you for ages Brookie. I really did. It just. I've been loathing myself for such a long time, you can't believe it. I mean, I'm happy as Luke, but every time I go home I have to be her, and I have to smile and pretend that I don't hate that body." He sighed softly, burying his head in her fine curls and continuing to talk from there, his voice soft.

"I've been wanting to be a boy for as long as I can remember, and when I got to Hogwarts, I finally could. I just didn't want to think about the whole thing ever again. I just wanted to be me, and not worry about what would happen if people found out." He hadn't planned to tell Bryn, but the whole thing had spiralled out of control. And then Bayne...well, it was one thing to lie to his friends, quite another to deceive someone he could fall in love with.