Good to Go (Lukey)

[Bayne Williams]

Maybe that last letter was not such a good idea. But he had sent it and been worrying about it all day. He'd managed to avoid Luke for most of the day by being up and out before him, sitting away from him at lunch and generally rushing through classes. He hadnt looked at Luke today, nor had he looked at Bryn, both of whom looked as distressed at each other. Brooke also looked slightly distressed but he tried not to think about it. In fact, as he looked around the great hall that night, he could see more than one distressed face, and as his face landed on Luke, his stomach gave an involuntary leap. Looking to Brooke he mumbled something and stood up before leaving.

It wasnt anywhere near eight yet so he took to strolling around. He'd been writing home a lot, his letters like usual consisted of Brooke saying hi, what he'd been up to and of course, telling them about Luke. Finally, eight o'clock rolled around and Bayne found that he was sitting in the furthest corner behind the whomping willow, watching from a safe distance as the branches swayed and swatted at anything that went near it. Everyone knew the legend of the willow now. Put there for Remus Lupin in his day when he was a werewolf. Strange to think that people who fought against the Dark Lord may have once been sat here.

He let his head roll back and look at the sky. It was now dimming from a light blue, to a navy blue. He could see the quarter moon shining brightly over head and saw the stars twinkle like little lights or fireflies. Bayne figured now Luke wasnt coming, he didnt think he would to be honest, but Bayne was quite comfortable here and he wouldnt want to go back inside until he was sure Luke was in his dorm. Bayne wouldnt want to run into him unexpectedly, sure, they had their study session tomorrow but he'd deal with that when it happened.

[lukas]

Lukas had spent most of the afternoon reading and rereading that letter. He knew that he shouldn't show up, that it wouldn't be fair to Bayne if he gave him the wrong idea, but at the same time, he really wanted to go. He was selfish enough to want the Gryffindor to himself, even if he knew he wasn't up for making him any promises. Besides, he told himself, if Bayne really wanted to date him, he ought to know the truth. It was that, more than anything, that made him so nervous he'd been biting his nails throughout the entire evening. He'd barely managed to avoid talking to Bryn or Brooke about his weird behavior, before slipping out of the Common Room a few minutes past eight.

He was late, he knew that, but he also knew that the older male was most likely not expecting him in the first place. The blonde knew that showing up was one of the worst ideas in the world, he knew that he wasn't ready for something serious, but at the same time he wondered if he couldn't just try. Bayne had never stated that becoming more than friends meant that they had to settle down together, at least not right from the start. Maybe they could just take it easy and see where things would lead.

Problem was, the last thing Luke wanted was to hurt Bayne. He'd gotten a taste of that when he'd confessed his little drunk snog with Bryn, and he didn't feel like repeating that same mistake. He had a feeling that if they ended up being a couple, he'd be hurting the Gryffindor a whole lot more. It wasn't easy, deciding what to do, but his feet had carried him in the others direction nevertheless, leaving him standing in front of the older male. "Uhm, hey." It was said a little shyly, which was something that barely ever happened to Luke.

[Bayne Williams]

The sun had now long since set, casting the grounds into darkness. Bayne lit the top of his wand and shoved it into the ground. You could see his face in the small light, although it cast his face into shadows. He heard footsteps approaching him, curious he looked up and saw the blonde head of Luke walking towards him. Pulling his eyes away he looked down at the grass, picked out a blade and began to play with it between his fingers. He drew in a deep breath when he saw Luke stood infront of him. He wasnt too sure how he felt. Glad to see him here? Annoyed at him kissing Bryn right after he'd kissed Bayne? Dissapointed because he knew, no matter what he did, he would never come close to Bryn. Why was he even bothering? What was the point?

Simplest answer... he didnt know.

Drawing in another breath, he pulled his wand out of the ground and stood up. Part of him wanted to walk away whereas the other part of him kept him rooted to the spot. "Hi." His voice was short and it was obvious he was keeping the last of his control in it. "I'm surprised you actually came, I didnt think you would." He turned away and walked towards the trees, leaning casually on them, his jacket riding up slightly as he crossed his arms.

[lukas]

The boys voice was short, and it made Luke bite his lip, looking up at the taller male. He didn't look happy to see him, or even glad that he'd supposedly made up his mind. If anything, he looked pissed off. It made him hesitate for a moment, wrapping arms around himself as if he were trying to protect his body. "I wasn't sure either." Honesty. That was what tonight was about, wasn't it? Being honest with him, about everything. Whether that led them to fight even more, or would resolve things. Right now, it shouldn't matter.

Taking a breath, he stepped closer to the older male, before sitting down on the floor, looking at the ground underneath his feet. He tugged at a piece of grass also, playing with it absently. "I came because there's some things you need to know. If you're serious about..." Lukas waved his hand between the two of them, indicating a possible relationship before dropping it back into his lap. "Then there's stuff you need to know."

He contemplated what would happen if Bayne left now, or if he listened and then refused to repeat his offer. The blonde figured that he could probably live with those options. He just didn't want Bayne to be all short and upset with him, it made something curl up uncomfortably in his stomach. Did he like him? Luke wasn't sure. He trusted Brooke though, when she said that letting him go would be a mistake.

[Bayne Williams]

To tell the truth, now Luke was here Bayne didnt know what to do. He showed up so it said Luke did have some form of inkling about him. But Bayne felt that it would have been simpler if he hadnt shown up. At least he would have known where he stood, now Luke was here he felt even more confused, but he wouldnt let it show on his face. Instead he had a slightly annoyed pinched look on his face. "Both in the same boat then." He spoke, his voice quiet. How he wished the christmas holidays would hurry up.

Bayne looked at Luke warily as he came closer to him, although he stopped and sat down where Bayne had been not two moments ago. He listened to what Luke said, although his eyes were looking up at the sky. It probably seemed as though Bayne wasnt listening. Already they had hit honesty, did that mean he would have to tell Luke about his family? That brought a pang to his stomach, he liked people not knowing he was rich and forced to wear armani suits at his fathers conventions over the holidays.

With a deep breath, Bayne shrugged off the tree and made his way slowly over to Luke. He sat down on the grass beside him and played with the grass blades. "If I'm serious about me and you?" Though it sounded like a question, it wasnt. He was simply saying what Luke wouldnt. "Like you kissing Bryn, you mean?" He tried to keep all the sourness out of his voice, but it cracked and it seeped in. He cleared his throat and looked away. "Alright then, I'll listen to all the reasons you think me and you wouldnt be good together... instead of the reasons we would be." His tone was extremely sarcastic, but he couldnt help it. It was that, or admitting finding out about Luke and Bryn hurt.

"Not that it matters," He pulled the school paper out of his jacket and threw it at Luke. "You've already made your choice. So why are you here? To rub it in my face?"

[lukas]

If Luke had been more of a girl, he would have started crying. The way Bayne was treating him was unnerving, and rather frustrating. Worse, it made this knot in his stomach tighten in a way that came too close to hurt for his liking, and for a moment or two he really wanted nothing more than to get up straight away and go back the way he'd came. What was the point in talking to someone if they already had their mind made up? Just when he was about to move, the paper was thrown in his face, making him look up incredulously.

"You believe this kind of bullshit?" He lifted up the paper gingerly, eyes scanning the page though he knew full well what it said. "I admit, I don't know that much about you, but I didn't think you were this big an idiot to think that me and Bryn have something going on." Luke was getting pissed off now. He'd come here to be honest, not to be treated with hostility and suspicion. If Bayne wanted to be an asshole, he could be one right back.

Taking a deep breath, he pinched at his nose, forcing himself to stay calm. He hadn't come here to yell at the older male once again, though he was so close to just saying fuck it all and punch him. It was definitely easier to deal with than this 'relationship' they were supposedly attempting. "I'm not here to talk you out of dating me, no matter what you might think. I just came here because I thought you might want to know who you'd end up being with. But if you'd rather listen to gossip like this horrible paper, then just tell me right now and I'll stop wasting my time."

[Bayne Williams]

"Well what did you expect Luke?" Bayne asked, standing up. Was he honestly that simple minded he couldnt put two and two together. Alright maybe Bayne had made a mistake, he may have accepted that fact but think about it from his point of view for a moment. "I get a letter of you saying you'd kissed Bryn, the next day that comes out! Sure usually the papers a big pile of shit but sometimes it reports things that are true. How am I supposed to know? Its not like I really know you and I know Bryn even less. I dont know whats going on with you and him but what I do know is until you're over him then nobody will ever stand a chance with you, will they?"

Bayne wasnt being an arse, or at least he didnt mean to be but the fact was this whole situation, the thought of Bryn and Luke, well honestly it actually hurt. He rounded on Luke, he was not an idiot, but come on. If that had happened, if he'd been the one to kiss Bryn and the next day that came out... "What would you assume if it was me? I'll tell you what, the exact same thing because: A) You have no proof otherwise and B) I know how much you're into him."

Bayne began to pace again, back and forth, his breathing kept even although it was being very forced. All he wanted to do was punch the tree or go home. In fact, go home and transfer to Durmstrang, that would be good... get away from here. Already he was beginning to regret his choice to tell Brooke he liked Luke. Things were simpler when neither had a clue. "So you're not dating Saint Kennedy then?" He snarled. Although he was still riled, he was visably deflating. Losing the anger as quickly as it come. "Fine, I'll listen."

[lukas]

Okay. Yeah. He had a point there, Luke had to admit. As much as it went against his personality, he tried to stay calm and reasonable, knowing full well that things might get a whole lot worse once he actually divulged his secrets. The shit would probably hit the fan then, and it'd be fair. "No. I'm not dating my best friend. Yes, I have a crush on him and yeah, I snogged him and that was a damn stupid thing for which I already apologized. Wanna know why? Because I hurt you, and that hurt me!"

He pushed himself to his feet, getting annoyed with the way Bayne was just pacing around. It was getting on his nerves, enough to finally push Bayne against that tree, holding him there while he got up and in his face, his voice steady but quiet. "As far as the rest goes, I don't have an answer to that. It's up to you, whether you want me or not. The only thing I can do is be honest with you and that's what I came here to do. To be honest, about everything. Do you really think I'd do that for just anyone?" Luke had some feelings for Bayne, they just weren't as strong as he felt for Bryn, but that was hardly anything he could help at the moment. And Bayne was definitely not making it any easier.

[Bayne Williams]

Bayne was fuming, it didnt show he was able to keep himself calm by pacing and breathing deeply. He listened to Luke reeling off all his yes's and no's but even as he denied and admitted them, the anger kept on rising. Bayne hadnt felt quite this annoyed for a while and honestly, he was also annoyed at himself for letting Luke get under his skin, for actually allowing himself to believe Luke may like him and that maybe, just maybe, Bayne wouldnt be just another number... maybe he was being completely stupid. "Oh, congratulations so you know you hurt me, well done."

As he turned to pace again, he felt arms push against his chest and felt his back collide painfully with the tree behind him. His furious eyes locked on Luke's who was holding him there. Luke's voice was quiet, Dangerous, like Baynes. "How should I know? I dont know a thing about you." He spoke. Anger, hot and pure, coursing through his veins. He pushed his arm against Luke's back, closing whatever distance was between them and before he knew himself what he was doing, his mouth was on Luke's. Maybe it was the anger, the pure anger but it made him rather fierce. Commanding. It was a lot different to the kiss he'd planted on Luke last time, this time it was forceful... but Bayne pulled back, honestly he didnt have a clue whether Luke had reacted or not and to be fair, he didnt care. "Do you think... for one moment... I'd get this angry! This fucking jealous if I didnt want you?" His voice was still low, it was still dangerous and his eyes were still furious. "There isnt a chance I would."

[lukas]

Luke actually protested when Bayne kissed him, fighting him, but he was no match for the taller Gryffindor. It wasn't that the kiss wouldn't have been enjoyable, but he was not some damn kid that could be shut up like this! If Bayne wanted a bloody fight, he'd get one! "You're right. You don't know a fucking thing about me. And you know what. I gave you a chance. I came here to talk to you and you just fucked that up!" Pushing himself away from the other boy angrily, he realised that he was dangerously close to tears, and that only upset him further. He didn't do this. He didn't cry over someone that was stupid enough to hurt him. If anything, he hurt them back. But right now, he wasn't even into that. He was just tired of this conversation, tired of this whole fucking relationship that never was and never would be.

"So you know what, I don't care. You may think you're all high and mighty, that I'm the only one that fucks up, and fine, maybe I am. I'm just the big slut of Hogwarts and you should find someone that fits your prim and proper standards and forget about me, because I'm obviously only making this worse!" His voice had raised in volume, but he didn't care. People could be listening in, but he was blindingly mad, and none of it mattered right about now.

Pushing his hair away from his eyes, he stepped away from him, willing his legs to move so that he could just run back to the castle and fall asleep already. It was a mistake coming here, and Brooke was bloody wrong. "Just forget about it, yea? Find someone else to fall in love with." There was a tremor in his voice, the blonde turning away just in time to wipe a tear from his cheek, hopefully without the older male noticing.

[Bayne Williams]

Bayne felt Luke trying to push him off but Bayne managed to lock his arms and keep Luke from going anywhere. It was odd, Bayne hated feeling so damn... violent! But he couldnt help it. All of his thoughts lead him to Luke, from waking in the morning to sleeping at night, there was hardly an hour passing where Luke didnt enter his mind and it was driving him insane. "Lets call it a fucking good day!" It was an improvement, at least neither had called the other a slut yet. Bayne let go of Luke and turned and punched the tree behind him with a rather loud cry of "For fucks sake!" Bayne was really angry now and to top things off, his hand hurt. Greaaat.

"You think I think I'm all high and mighty? HAH! You know nothing about me or the way I feel! So dont start pretending like you even have the slightest idea. You know something, you're too wrapped up in yourself to see anything or anyone else around you! Its just you, Little Lukas Clarke in his own little bubble, in his own world where nothing and nobody else even comes close!" Bayne yelled back, this was different, the last time they'd argued they'd kept their voices down, now in the darkness it seemed to be echoing. Bayne felt like pulling his hair out, his voice shook as well as his body. He couldnt believe how bad this had gone. "Everyone fucks up, but you seem to think that you're... AHH! FORGET IT!"

Bayne rounded on Luke again, both looking at eachother, anger sparkling in both of their eyes. Why had he let Brooke talk him into this. He was going to go straight to her and tell her this would never work in a million years! Luke was far too damn immature. He wanted everything and everyone to revolve around Lukas Clarke and the world just didnt work that way. "Well I would if I could but for some reason all I think about is you and it's driving me fucking crazy!" He sank down to his knee's on the floor, his whole body now was shaking. "I dont want to love anyone but you! But you make it so damn hard!" He couldnt believe he'd just said that, but in his anger he really didnt care. Standing up he walked up to Luke so he wasnt standing too far from him. He lowered his voice, but it still shook dangerously. "I. Love. You. End of discussion." With that, Bayne turned around and began to walk away. He was still shaking... He loved Luke... he didnt know when he'd fell for him... but arguing with him like this, and Luke saying that final thing, it hit him like an avalanche.

Bayne loved Luke... and there was nothing he could do about it.
Nothing would ever change.

[lukas]

It was like he had somehow, during the rant, ended up in a world all of his own. He barely listened to a word the other said, just watched him walk off, and then suddenly he'd caught up with him, his hand on the older male's chest. "I'm a girl" Lukas' voice was shaking like mad, having softened considerably in volume but not much in tone. He was still angry, beyond angry, and he didn't know what to do anymore now that the other had admitted to loving him.

Yes, he was immature. He knew that. He also knew, and Bayne didn't, that it was a way of keeping people from coming too close. From finding out his secret. It was surprisingly easy, to make people believe that everything revolved around him, without ever sharing too much of himself. It was rather scary how the other had seen through that.

"That's my big secret, okay? That's what I've been hiding and that's why I keep pushing everyone away. Because it's just...it's easier, okay? It's a whole lot easier than sitting and talking about it and starting a relationship with someone that might actually accept me for who I am. Hell, it's easier to fall in love with someone I know I can never have, because I don't have to worry about what's wrong with me."

The blonde shivered, taking his hand away from the taller male's body only to wrap it around his own frame for a minute or two, letting the silence linger between them. "You don't know how hard it is for me to stay here right now...to not walk away and fuck this up. It's all I've ever done! People get too close...I bail. Give me some credit for trying, please.."

[Bayne Williams]

Well that stopped him in his tracks. He felt the hand on his chest and he hated what it did to him. Sending little sparks of electricity right through Bayne's body. He listened to Luke, his breathing calming down. Honestly, though it sounded completely ridiculous, Bayne believed him in an instant. He knew Luke was telling him the truth, but did Bayne care? No, he didnt. Honestly, everyone had their flaws and yeah, okay, Luke's was considerably larger than Bayne's but even so... he didnt care.

Luke's hand fell off Bayne's chest and he watched as he wrapped it around himself, as though trying to keep his insides from falling out. Bayne felt annoyed again, but not at Luke, at himself... for being so damn insensitive. Bayne's brow's knitted together and he stepped towards Luke, wrapping his own arms around the smaller boy and pulling him into his chest. Placing a hand on his head, Bayne stroked his hair gently. He felt awful for Luke, almost as though his attitude had forced Luke to tell him his secret, something Luke obviously wanted to keep to himself. He felt sick at himself.

"Luke..." His voice had lost all its previous anger and was back to its usual smooth, gentle tone. "I couldnt care if you were a twelve foot bat straight out of hell intent on killing me dead. It doesnt matter to me... It cant matter to me now dont you see that? It's far too late for me to care about who or what you are. I'm really not explaining this very well... Well... I never was one for saying the right thing... But honestly... I really dont care that you have a flaw... I have flaws! Brooke does, Bryn does... come on this is Hogwarts, stranger things have happened. I think..." Bayne laughed, "I'm babbling arent I?"

[lukas]

He very nearly flinched when Bayne reached for him, thinking for a second that he was about to be struck, but the man simply pulled him towards him, wrapping strong arms around him instead. The older Gryffindor was warm against him, and for a moment, Luke really had to force himself not to nuzzle into him immediately. Instead he focused on the words coming out of his mouth, the brunette babbling something that was supposed to mean he was forgiven at least.

It was good to hear him laugh though, and Lukas couldn't help smiling a little himself as he looked up. "Promise I will try my best not to kill you. Even though I sometimes really really want to." His fingers smoothed out a crease on the others chest, a happy shiver running down his spine. He hadn't quite realised how cold he was until the boy had enveloped him in his warm hug, and now that he was so close, he was reluctant to let go.

Maybe he could just take advantage of his niceness for a bit longer. The blonde gingerly put his head against the taller mans chest, closing his eyes briefly. This was rather nice, though he wasn't quite sure whether it would last. They'd gone from yelling to this in a matter of seconds, and he was sure that they could slip right back to yelling in another second or two. But for now, this was nice. "I'm sorry" He whispered it against the others shirt, breath ghosting over the dark fabric. "I'm an ass."

[Bayne Williams]

Bayne laughed again at Luke's promise. This was how it should be, not going for the jugular every five minutes, finding new ways to hurt eachother. What was the point it was just ridiculous. Bayne loved Luke so why did he always yell at him? Why did Bayne keep pushing Luke away even though he just wanted to be close to him. When it came to pushing, Bayne could be just as bad as Luke. "In return, I promise to try to be more patient... to not yell as much..." He pushed Luke away for a moment, shrugged off his warm jacket and placed it around Luke, before pulling the boy back to him.

"How about we forget about our fight? Pretend it didnt happen?" Bayne stroked Luke's hair like he did at the party. This was comfortable, very comfortable and Bayne realised just how right it actually felt. To hold Luke in his arms, to want to keep him safe... That was all he wanted really. To keep Luke safe from everyone and everything. Bayne shook his head and lightly pressed his lips to the top of Luke's head, it wasnt meant to be anything pressurising, it was meant to be reassuring. "No you're not... I am."

"I dont want to force you into anything... especially now... I'll bet you're feeling very vulnerable at the moment and I dont blame you." He gently rubbed the smaller boy's back, trying all he could think of to make him feel and know he would always be safe with Bayne. "But I'll always be here, for you... I'll wait until you're ready. I told you how I felt and that's not going to go away so I'll wait for you and for now we'll just be friends... but..."

Was this next thing going to be selfish of him?

"If you think maybe one day you and me could work then I have a request." He held Luke at arms lengths but he looked into the boys eyes, this time though his own eyes were warm, they were friendly and inviting. "... I'm not sure if this is selfish but... for the sake of my sanity and to stop be getting stupidly jealous again... please dont flirt or kiss anybody? I know its selfish but... I dont think I could handle it... I'm sorry..."