Addicted To You [Mickey]

[Graham Kerr]

Graham Kerr was a criminal. He'd been from the young age of twelve, when he first figured out that there was no way his family could afford his going to Hogwarts. His brother had dropped out of art school years earlier to provide for the family when his dad bailed, but even with the added income from his factory work, they were struggling to make ends meet. He'd realised that before his first year, but both his mum and his brother had been dead set on him going, and somehow, miraculously, they had managed to scrape the tuition money together, digging deep into their meager savings. It had happened again for his second year of attendance, but after he'd gone home, he realised this couldn't continue. There had to be something he could do to help.

There was, but it hadn't been pretty, and life on the streets had hardened the young blonde. He'd seen and done things that most people only dreamt about, things that would make his mother explode with anger if she ever found out. He'd told her that he was working in a shop somewhere, and since she hardly ever went out, she believed him. His brother Arthur was another matter, but he'd kept his secret in exchange for Grays most important promise: once he'd finish Hogwarts, he'd send Arthur to art school. He'd work a job, take care of their mum, and make sure that life would be better for all of them. This time though, it would be an honest job.

But Hogwarts was hard, and with the added pressure of being a Quidditch Captain, things were tough on him. Tough enough to make him lose sleep, tough enough for him to fail in his classes and get detentions that made him worry he was going to be kicked out. As much as he pretended to be nonchalant about all of it, he was worrying. If he got kicked out, he'd never be able to give his brother that chance at a new life, and it was that he wanted more than anything.

So he could hardly be blamed for doing what he was doing. It had been a tiny bit of coke, just enough to finally get the energy to do his last minute homework. He'd finished it now, all alone in the Common Room while the rest of the students were out to dinner. The cocaine had stopped him from going hungry, and there was another detention scheduled for him later on. This was actually one to replace the failed detention he'd had with Mickey. The Professor had berated him, told him that he was the eldest and should have kept the other in check. As such, he was supposed to attend another detention later on tonight, alone. So really, he could hardly be blamed when he shook out another bit of cocaine, preparing it the way only a regular user could, and took a second line.

[Mickey McKey]

Mickey's mind was such a mess, he could only wish that he could get away from it with drugs. He'd been truly miserable since that night, when he'd seen... he didn't even want to think about it. The simple facts were, he'd been so down that he hadn't even been able to keep up his happy front. Everyone around him had noticed, had asked him about it, and had recieved a slight glare in response. The blonde didn't want to even think about the man at all, ever again. Problem was, he had no choice.

It was like his mind had a vendetta against him. The more he tried not to think or care about Graham, the more he did, and it was driving him mental. He was losing sleep, and his will to live along with it. Today, it'd just been too much. He'd told everyone he was sick, and stayed in bed for the whole day. There was at least a part truth in this - he was sick, though not in the way everyone though. Sick of this situation, sick of his own mind, sick of the way he was so dependent on people.

And very much sick of the elder Hufflepuff. The filthy liar, or had he even lied? Mickey didn't even know. He'd said he wasn't gay, many times. And then he was having a full blown make out session with Alfie Chase, and what the hell? The small blonde had much preferred the thought that he'd never get anywhere with the man because he didn't like guys, but now... Now he knew it was because Graham didn't like him, and that hurt even more.

Sighing, Mickey finally pushed himself out of his bed and, not even bothering to change out of his pyjamas, shuffled out of his dorm. He was starving, having not eaten all day and deciding that leaving his hole to eat wouldn't hurt. The young immediately regretted his decision when his eyes fell on the one person he didn't want to see, and he almost turned back, when his mind registered what the taller boy was doing. Frowning deeply, he spoke up. "Kerr, what the fuck?"

[Graham Kerr]

In name of all that was holy...Shit. Graham closed his eyes, rubbing at his forehead and wishing that he had just imagined that voice, that if he stayed really really quiet and still, this would all just go away. He even felt tempted to close his eyes, the if-I-don't-see-you-you-don't-see-me logic. Of course it didn't work, he could practically hear the boy breathing behind his back. Fuck. He was really screwed now, wasn't he?

Oddly enough, he couldn't really care. He knew that he should, that he ought to freak out and threaten the younger boy into silence, but he was just...mellow. So instead of going off on him like he should've, he turned around to face the boy, wiping at his nose and stuffing the last of the cocaine back into his pocket. So he'd seen. Didn't mean everyone else had to.

"Mickey..." His voice was a little slower, not so much a slur as that it was just softer and a little more relaxed. Or, a lot more, considering how uptight he usually was around the smaller blonde. He didn't even worry about the night that Mickey had caught him kissing Alfie. Two secrets now, the smaller boy held in his hand, two cards that might thoroughly ruin Gray's life, and yet all he could care about was that the one looked incredibly lost. And hot. But mostly lost.

He'd never called him by his first name before, but even that didn't register. "Sit down" His voice was soft, a request more than a command, and he patted the sofa spot next to him, stretching out his long limbs in front of him. "You don't look so good. I mean. You look beautiful as always...but you don't look so good." He frowned a little, not quite getting the sentences out the way he intended them.

[Mickey McKey]

Well, that reaction was weird. Mickey had expected something more... drastic. He knew that, whether the older man threatened him or not, he wouldn't be able to bring himself to tell a soul about it. but Graham didn't know this, and it wasn't like him to miss an opportunity to fly off the wall at his younger housemate. The blonde made a note in his mind not to take anything the tall boy said seriously - he could tell already that it'd be the drugs talking, and had physically taken a step back when he'd heard his name said so sweetly.

But the other's following lines made his heart betray his mind, and instead of running for the hills like he should have been, he faltered. He didn't want to be lead by the older blonde, and he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to be around him at all after all that had happened, but the offer was just so attractive. And... he'd called Mickey beautiful. His heart had swooned and fallen for that, and as much as his head told him that he shouldn't believe it, everything else in him desperately wanted to. Chewing his lip for a few minutes longer, his heart finally won the internal tug of war and, digging his nails into his palms, the smaller boy shuffled over to the object of his affections, perching himself awkwardly on the sofa next to him.

The blonde didn't even know what to say to Graham. He was stupid, sure, and Mickey wanted to tell him this. The amount of people he'd met whose lives had been really ruined by this exact thing... but he wouldn't listen, of course he wouldn't. And then there was the part of him that just felt like bursting into tears. "Graham..." He choked out eventually, voice breaking slightly. He cleared his throat, and spoke a bit stronger. He had no idea of what to say to him, so he cam e out with the first thing that popped into his mind. "What's... what do you want?"

[Graham Kerr]

He looked genuinely upset, and Graham wasn't sure why. Mickey wasn't one of the people he concerned himself with on a daily basis, unless the smaller blonde was taking a shot at him again, so he wasn't quite sure what happened in his life, or what his history was. He just knew what he saw now - that the boy looked helpless and upset over...something. It didn't register in his mind that it could be him, that he was the cause of all his inner turmoil, though he did feel like comforting him somehow.

"You don't have to worry" He eventually came up with, his eyes just slightly bigger than usual as he focused them on the younger male next to him. "I know what I'm doing" It was little more than a whisper, his lips brought close to Mickey's ear as if he was telling him an important secret, meant for only the two of them. Not that it was necessary, after all, the room was abandoned, but he liked being close to him, for some unknown reason.

He liked a lot of things, including the younger boys hair, and his hand had reached out towards it before he could even think of stopping himself. Taking hold of a soft strand, his fingers raked through it, playing with the piece of hair he had and twirling it casually around a finger. All the while, he was focusing, or trying to, on the blonde's question. What did he want. Well, he wasn't sure. He wanted for things to never stop feeling like this, but preferably without drugs. He wanted to be able to sleep at night, to not have to worry about his mum, but those were all things he couldn't tell him. So he told him the only thing that Mickey could fix.

"I want you to stop hurting me" He sounded genuinely hurt when he said it, even through the fog of the cocaine. He was sick and tired of being picked on, and if Alfie was right, if it was because the younger boy liked him, well that was just plain stupid. "I don't understand why you seem to hate me so much.."

[Mickey McKey]

Mickey physically shuddered when he felt Gray's breath on his ear, though definitely not out of disgust. As nice as it felt, it was so unfair for him to be doing this. His words entered into his brain, but he couldn't for the life of him register what they meant. The younger boy's his eyes flickered shut, his bottom lip quivered and he opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Only when the elder boy started playing with his hair did he find his tongue. ”Wh-what are you doing?” He stuttered out, his voice as quiet has Graham's had been. He wasn't talking about the drugs – he wasn't stupid, he knew what that was. In truth, he didn't really know what he meant, but it he had to take a guess, he'd assume he was talking about what the other blonde was trying to do to him.


"I want you to stop hurting me"



That sentence confused him- hurting him? Mickey's eyes shot open, and he gave the taller one a look of utter shock. ”I... what?” He breathed, fixing his eyes on the other's blue ones, completely clueless as to what he meant. How could he be hurting him? The next words cleared it up though, and he bit his lip, hanging his head. ”I don't hate you. I...” The lighter blonde ran a hand through his hair. He didn't really wanting to go in to this while Graham was in this state, if he was going to talk about it at all. After a long pause, he continued with a defeated sigh. ”It doesn't matter. You won't even care once you've come down, anyway.”

[Graham Kerr]

Graham scoffed at that last sentence, but he wasn't annoyed enough to let go of him. For some stupid, inexplicable reason he wanted to stay close to the younger male. Touch him more. It felt good, and he was selfish enough to want more of it. "That's not true" He shook his head lazily, leaning back a little to look at him. "Of course I care." Why would he not care about someone who hated him and took every chance he had to make him feel worse?

Pulling back from him, he ran fingers through his own messy hair, sighing deeply. It wasn't really the right time to be having a proper conversation, not when all he wanted was a nice, relaxing evening - the blonde was trying to forget all about the detention he was supposed to serve later on tonight. But with Mickey here, he doubted he'd get that evening to begin with, so maybe talking through things wasn't such a bad idea.

"I hate it" He leaned back in his chair, glancing out of the window for a moment while shaking his head once more. "It's not fair. I haven't done a thing to hurt you and yet you treat me like I'm scum." Like a criminal, and maybe Mickey saw more of him than he wanted to admit. He hated that thought.

[Mickey McKey]

This was crazy. Mickey was starting to wonder if he hadn't been drinking without realising it, because he could barely believe his ears. He'd had no idea that Graham had felt that way, but it didn't even make sense. This beautiful blonde boy was telling him he hated the younger's teasing, but wasn't he just as cruel to him? He was just as mean, and the other day, he'd nearly been punched in the face by the exact person he was talking to. Yet he was trying to tell him that it upset him? The smaller boy was so confused.

He shook his head forcefully at all these accusations. ”I... I don't mean...” Mickey didn't even know what to say. He knew why he'd been unfair, but he could barely tell Gray that, could he? That he didn't hate him, he actually really liked him, so much that he didn't know how else to handle it. Firstly, that'd sound made up. Someone of his age should be more mature than that, shouldn't they? And then it'd just be go embarrassing, and what if the quidditch captain rejected him again? His heart wouldn't handle that. He could feel tears stubbornly rising in his eyes, against all his willing them not to. ”I don't hate you. I really don't.”

He tried to swallow a lump in his throat, but didn't manage to shift it at all. Why was he so wound up over this? He shouldn't be, he knew that, and he considered that maybe he really was sick. That'd explain for him being all emotional today. Biting his lip, he looked at Graham again, not failing to notice how beautifully relaxed he looked right now. If he'd just kissed the man when he first wanted to, and not screwed him about...

He probably still would've been rejected. This thought hurt, and he bit down on his lip harder before he managed to choke out a sentence. ”I...I'm sorry. I don't... Gray, please...”

[Graham Kerr]

"Alfie said you like me" The boy continued, as if he hadn't just heard Mickey apologizing. Or maybe he had, and he just didn't know what to do with it. It was tough, having a conversation like this, when all he wanted was to forget everything and quite possibly snog the blonde - though he figured that was the drugs talking, and not simply him. Still, he needed to stay in control and calm as he usually did.

Except he didn't. He was every bit as cruel to the younger one as he'd been to him, and if the other was apologizing, he shouldn't be the only one. "But you can't. Right? I mean, I'm never nice to you. You're never nice to me so I'm never nice to you, so you can't like me." Did that even make sense to anyone but him? Gray wasn't even sure it made sense to him. He was starting to feel better though. Happier.

Was that because Mickey didn't hate him or because the cocaine was working its magic? This was certainly turning into an interesting evening, though the blonde had a feeling he'd see everything in a different light when he was sobering up again. Maybe they'd go back to hating each other, but for now, actually talking to him was nice.

[Mickey McKey]

Mickey swallowed hard again, this time managing to clear his throat a little bit. Alfie. Great. Alfie Chase and his super-amazing gaydar. Of course he'd told Graham that, why wouldn't he? The boy didn't even know that for sure, though the younger boy figured it wasn't too hard to tell, seeing as he'd stood staring like a child who'd just realised their mother'd thrown their favourite teddy bear away – That was, completely heartbroken. The tall man in front of him obviously hadn't noticed it, if he needed to be told, but truthfully, he'd hoped that Mr Kerr never found out. Life would have been so much easier that way, wouldn't it?

Now, he was stuck. He partly wanted to say no. No, Graham, I don't like you, now leave me alone to wallow in my own pity. But who would that help? Even saying it in his mind, he knew it wouldn't make him feel any better. He did like graham, and he never liked self pity, or any form of it, at that. Telling him the truth wouldn't do any good, either. Mickey could just tell that when the elder man wasn't high, he wouldn't feel like this any more. He'd probably just go back to hating him again. Would he even remember what they'd been talking about? He wasn't sure how that bit worked. Thing was, he wanted Gray. And he wanted him to know that, but he couldn't quite get the words out.

Closing his eyes and breathing heavily, he tried to gather himself together, and at least manage to give the boy an answer, but it was harder than he thought it would be. He opened his mouth to say something several times, but couldn't quite get it out. Eventually, he settled for a small, slow nod, hoping that the other understood. Yes, Graham. I do like you. And I'd very much like to snog your brains out right now.

[Graham Kerr]

The boys nod was answer enough. He didn't like him. Alfie had been wrong, the blonde had confirmed it now. You can't like me. Right? The answer had been a nod. Graham was aware of a strange feeling in his stomach, but he pushed it away, smiling instead. The happy feeling was spreading, regardless of the way he truly felt inside. He'd get back to that when he was sobered up, and probably end up cursing at the smaller blonde all through his detention.

"So you just dislike me because you can" Why did he insist on pushing this? He shivered a little, rubbing at his nose for a moment in a druggie fashion, before settling back down on the couch comfortable. The effect of the sniff he'd taken would just last half an hour, and they were already halfway through that. Sometime soon it would wear off, and he'd have to face detention while he was tired as fuck.

The other option, snorting up again in front of Mickey, was one that didn't sound as alluring as he would have thought. He shouldn't care, but he did, and he hated that. The younger and smaller blonde didn't care for him, so why should he be concerned about anything pertaining to the boy? Yet he did. Mickey hadn't seemed to like finding out that he did coke, so he wouldn't put him through that again.

God, he was being strange. Everyting felt fuzzy, and he really just wanted to touch the other again. It was so much simpler than talking through everything. "I've got another detention, you know. Because of that shit that happened in the forest. Apparently I was responsible for you." He didn't even sound angry. Just a little absent.

[Mickey McKey]

Frustrating. This was what the elder boy was right now. Annoying as hell. Mickey buried his head in his hands and shook it furiously, making an irritated sound. Why couldn't the other Hufflepuff just understand what he was trying to say? He had to make life so difficult. First he made him feel so guilty, and now he decided to take what he said the wrong way. How can you misread a god damn nod? That's the most simple sign in the world! Surely, Graham was just being awkward. The small blonde rubbed at his eyes for a moment, before pushing his hands through his hair and looking up at him.

Now, he wasn't so sure. He looked completely earnest in what he'd said, but that mistake was just so... stupid. Mickey was once again reminded of what he'd caught him doing, and this made a bit more sense. It did make him wonder if the man'd make any more stupid mistakes or decisions like that, but he was only allowed to think about this for a moment, before he was overwhelmed by an intense feeling of frustration. Smacking his hand to his head, he tried to think of what to do with this mess.

”Gray, I...Oh man.” How hard could it be? All he needed to do was tell the man he liked him. Though, he'd already done that once, and he'd already gotten it wrong once. Maybe Graham WAS just making this hard for him, because God, every time he had to build up the courage to admit it, he felt like he'd rather die, right then, than actually go through with it. ”You...I can't... Please, try and understand me a little bit.” And now he was begging. Lord, this was so humiliating. ”I don't hate you. And... I do...” That didn't make any more sense that the last time. ”Like you, I mean. I do...” This last bit was in a whisper, because truthfully, he thought he was going to fall apart if he spoke any louder.

[Graham Kerr]

That made him smile. He liked him. Mickey had a crush on him? Mickey McKey, one of the hottest kids in Hufflepuff, and he had a crush on him? Gray couldn't help laughing a little, leaning closer to start playing with the others hair again. "Why?" It sounded genuinely curious, but he shook his head, as if he didn't really need to know the answer. He was intrigued though. He'd never met someone who liked him. Hell, Alfie didn't, and they'd ended up snogging all the same. So maybe he wasn't as unattractive as he thought before, or he was and Alfie just wanted someone who gave him easy access, Gray wasn't quite sure.

But Mickey. Mickey liked him. There had to be some reason for that. He had to find him attractive, somewhat. "I mean..." Frowning, he tugged at the blonde's strands for a moment, trying to find the proper words. "I am...and you're so..." Cute. Hot. Beautiful. "You're gorgeous." It was little more than a whisper, the blonde leaning his forehead against Mickeys when a dizzy spell hit him for a moment.

[Mickey McKey]

Mickey could feel himself shaking. He couldn't handle being so close to this man, because it gave me with the overwhelming urge to kiss him, and if ever it was important not to do that, it was right now. He was many things, but he wasn't the type of person to take advantage of anyone. That's what it'd be, right? Graham was high, and apparently was quite pleased that he liked him, in this state at least. But the young boy knew, he could just tell that when he was back to normal, the other wouldn't still feel the same.

Though, he called him gorgeous, and this made his heart melt. Mickey McKey had been given a fair amount of compliments in his time, but none had made him feel as good as that one did. It earned a shuddering breath from his lips, and his eyes slowly closed again. That was the only way he could put up with how close the wonderfully attractive man was. Even then, he was only just about able to cope with it, because he was getting all the senses that he got when he first kissed Graham, the smell, sound, feeling of him. He couldn't block those out, but he could just about handle them, as long as the other boy didn't do anything to provoke him more. The blonde boy really didn't want to do anything that the other would regret once he was sober.

And now, Graham wanted him to talk more. Honestly, Mickey didn't know if he could manage it, but he tried. His mouth moved without making any sound for a few seconds, but eventually, he managed to choke out some words. ”Why?” His voice was quiet still, and shuddered as he spoke. ”Well, why wouldn't I? You're... you're beautiful. I wasn't lying when I told you that in the forest... I meant it. And... I don't know. There's just something...” Now he really couldn't carry on, it was too much. The small boy sighed and bit his lip, still not looking at the other man, hoping he wouldn't push that any further.

[Graham Kerr]

Graham Kerr, on the other hand, had never been called beautiful. Well, maybe by his mum, but she was blind, a girl, and his mother, so that hardly counted. He couldn't help the slow smile spreading on his face when Mickey called him that, and the urge to lean in those final few inches and kiss him became even stronger. It was stupid, he knew that much, even in his current state. Even if he had liked Mickey, he couldn't offer him the things the boy wanted. And besides, Mickey only liked what he saw of him. It wasn't the real him.

"I'm sorry" He breathed out, opening his eyes for a moment to look at the younger blonde, before pulling back only an inch or two, still staying close enough to smell him and feel wonderfully surrounded by these feelings. "I'm sorry you had to see that" He didn't clarify what 'that' was supposed to mean, whether it meant snorting up on coke or kissing Alfie in the Prefects Bathroom. In a way he was apologizing for both. "Please don't tell anyone?" The older blonde bit his lip, hoping that he'd agree to this and keep his secrets, because otherwise he was majorly screwed.