First Time For Everything [Oliver]

[Danny Bailey]

Danny was lying on a table, happily humming at himself while he glanced up at the ceiling. Ever so often a laugh would escape, the blonde giggling to himself for a minute before the laughter would die down and he'd rearrange his features into something serious, almost akin to sadness. In all honesty, the boy wasn't doing too well. He was drinking, which was the first time ever in his life. He knew what alcohol could do to people, what it could ruin, but right now he was focused more and more on what it could fix.

He hadn't been able to dance for a while now, hadn't been able to feel happy unless it was artificial, and tonight he'd figured that maybe getting a drink wasn't the end of the world. Of course, never having had alcohol before meant that he wasn't as good at handling it as anyone else would be, and one drink led to the next, to a third, and by his fourth glass of firewhiskey he was completely and utterly drunk.

And in love. He could admit that much while he was drunk, though he'd keep it close to his chest when sober. He was in love with Oliver Pace, someone who hadn't even waved hello to him in over a week now. Though he'd listened and accepted the boys statement about having trouble with his feelings when he was sober, he hadn't figured it'd be this bad. He'd hoped that he'd at least be acknowledged, if there couldn't be anything more between them. But Oli acted as if he didn't even remember their night together, as if they hadn't shared anything of importance.

And they had. To him it was so important. That whole night, he'd been happy for the first time in forever. He had wanted it to last, and it was a stupid idea to begin with. So here he was, drinking happiness in an attempt to feel a little less alone, a little less hollow.

[Oliver Pace]

For a person who didn't eat much, Oliver sure visited the kitchens quite regularly. Mostly, it was to get sweets, because the house elves seemed to be more than happy to feed the massive sweet tooth the Ravenclaw seemed to have, and occasionally just because it was quiet compared to everywhere else. Today, though, he just wanted sweets. It had been a week since his meeting with Danny, and within that time, he'd managed to remember every single detail of it. And he'd be damned if he didn't beat himself up over it too. He was nowhere near getting over it yet, he still couldn't sleep, and still felt physically sick about it, but after a week of successfully avoiding running in to the boy, Oliver had decided it was about time he tried to focus again, and focusing needed sugar. Besides, he needed to celebrate. It wasn't often that he actually managed to stay away from people he didn't want to see. His abominable bad luck meant that he had a tendency to run in to people he was trying to avoid. He'd done pretty well this time.

Or so he thought, at least. The moment his eyes fell on that blonde hair, he knew his luck was continuing. Part of him wanted to shoot back out of the door, but the other part, the much bigger part, couldn't bring himself to. He stood and stared at the giggling, messy-looking boy with a startled look fixed on his face, not quite able to believe that he was still here in the first place, and thoroughly hating the effect the man was having on his stomach. After a long moment, Oliver bit his lip gently, and let his body move him. He took a few, shaky steps forward, and placed a hand on Danny's arm, a look of concern taking over his face. Not quite sure what else to do, he just stood like that, and hoped the other wouldn't take his presence too badly.

[Danny Bailey]

Danny was shocked when he felt a warm hand on his arm. Not because he hadn't heard the other coming in, but because it was Oliver and Oliver was touching him. Voluntarily. He wished that the entire week could be forgotten just like *that*, but things weren't that simple. He still remembered, how he'd been avoided, how the Ravenclaw had looked nauseous when he'd actually tried to approach him in the hallway. It had certainly been enough to stop him from taking a single step further forwards. Instead he'd turned around, making sure that the taller boy didn't see the hurt and confused look on his face.

And now he was here. Now they were both here, and Oli was touching him, and why did things have to be so complicated all the time? Danny had never asked for love. He'd never wanted it. Things had been so much simpler when he could just find someone to spend the night with, but that stupid adorable Raven had to change his feelings about everything. Now he was in love, and it felt horrible. Exceedingly so with every moment they spent in silence, because he figured that they weren't going to be as comfortable as that night on the pitch. Were they even going to talk?

Well they certainly wouldn't if he kept quiet, so the blonde tilted his head a little, looking at the brunette with curious eyes. "Hey" Would he remember all that had happened? Or had he been so drunk that it was just a memory for one? "Am I in your way? I'm on a table.." What was he doing on a table?! Oh right, it had seemed strong and safe and not so wobbly as the rest of his surroundings. He was going to regret this in the morning, wasn't he? The Hufflepuff gingerly felt at his head, but aside from the spinning he was doing alright.

[Oliver Pace]

Oliver shook his head gently, wondering for a moment how on Earth the boy could think he was in the way when he was on the table. That thought passed pretty quickly when it finally registered that the boy was blind drunk. A concerned look crossed his face and he brushed the blonde hair out of his face, but now he was fully at a loss about what to do. Oliver had never had to look after a drunk person before, because most of the time, it was him that needed looking after. The Ravenclaw just hoped the blonde wasn't about to throw up.

The situation rendering him absolutely useless, he stared at Danny for a good while in complete silence, chewing his lip nervously. He was starting to feel ill once again from all the emotions going through his mind, and trying to decide what to do. After a solid five minutes of frowning and considering his options, the brunette tore himself away from the Hufflepuff and stumbled off, returning minutes later with a glass of water, figuring that one of them would probably need it at some point.

This was such a difficult situation, and Oliver knew it was one he could have avoided easily. It wouldn't be so awkward if he'd just spoken to Danny after the night on the pitch, but his stubborn mind, the part of him that told him that he was wrong, in all senses of the word, made him stay silent. So now the blonde thought he'd forgotten it all. And despite the fact that it was all (painfully) fresh in his mind, he had to play along with this. The frown on his face deepened with this, and Oliver suddenly wished he could find some of whatever it was Danny had had tonight. With no idea what to do with this mess, the tall boy took a few steps back and fixed his gaze on the floor, biting the inside of his cheek.

[Danny Bailey]

Maybe it was best to act as if nothing had happened between the two of them. As if they hadn't kissed, hadn't talked, as if the last encounter was their shared punishment in the dungeons. But what had happened that afternoon, Danny could hardly remember. And it hurt. It hurt because he felt for him so much, and Oli didn't want him. Or wanted him, but didn't want to want him. Slowly pushing himself up into a sitting position, he looked at the brunette, parting his lips once or twice to say something.

And then it happened. It just...slipped out, without his permission. And he didn't sound too happy about it either. In fact, he sounded sad and resigned, a sigh following his confession. "I'm in love with you." The Hufflepuff glanced down at his toes, blinking away something that blurred his eyesight and swallowing down the rest of the word vomit before he'd make things even worse. He was stupid, getting drunk was ridiculous and did NOT solve his problem; if anything, it made things worse.

How could he say something like this? Something this big and life ruining? Danny Bailey didn't fall in love. Maybe Evan did, but Oliver didn't remember him, did he? He didn't know why the smaller blonde had fallen in love with him, how that night on the pitch had changed everything. Miserably, the boy looked up, grabbing the glass and downing some of the water before getting off the table, ready to make a dash for the door.

[Oliver Pace]

Startled by this burst, the brunette watched the drunk boy for a long time, a slight frown on his face. As he watched him gulp, blink and move, he attempted to gather his thoughts enough to be able to give the man some sort of reaction, but he couldn't honestly think of one. Or rather, he could think of several dozen, but none that truly seemed appropriate. What could a person say to that? Especially from Danny, who he'd only really spoken to once, and who he'd just spent a whole week avoiding. Sure, he was drunk, and heaven only knew whether he'd remember it in the morning, but a drunken tongue speaks a sober mind, and Oliver knew this, which only made the whole situation worse.

Seeing the hufflepuff move, expecting him to make a run for it, encouraged a sense of urgency in the tall boy's gut. For some reason, a small part of him (perhaps that part of his brain that was actually reasonable and wanted him to be happy at some point in his life) knew that he needed to do something now, if he was to expect any sort of relationship, with this boy of with anyone else. So he did the first thing that came to his mind.

”You don't. You can't.” Bravo, mind. Oliver congratulated his brain for once again failing to control his speech. The words were said very quietly, almost inaudibly, but he was sure it would be enough to make an impact. Annoyed with his inability to speak appropriately, he buried his head in his hands and waited for whatever bad things could come next.

[Danny Bailey]

He couldn't? Well, if only things were that easy. Danny would certainly prefer it if Oliver was speaking the truth, if he could simply decide to fall out of love right then and there. It would be so much easier. So much less painful than longing after someone who didn't want to know him. "You mean, you don't want me to" He said it just as softly as the others words had been, his hands grasping at the table for some type of comfort. There was nothing but hard wood digging into his skin, but it made him feel...real.

It was painful, this reality, but at least it was better than what dream world he'd been living in for the past couple of days. "It's fine. Don't worry about it. I'm fine." The blonde tried to sound as cheerful as usual, but failed miserably, tears actually managing to push past his eyelashes, though he didn't allow them to pass further.

He wondered what else he could say. It's just a stupid crush. I'll get over it. Neither of which rung very true at this moment. Danny had never felt this way so he wasn't sure whether or not he'd get over it. Or, in fact, if he wanted to. This feeling was surreal, yeah, and apparently his affections weren't returned, but it was nice to feel something like this for the first time since his mother had died. It was just a pity it had to be Oliver Pace.

[Oliver Pace]

But he wasn't fine, and that was obvious. Though Oliver couldn't deny that he didn't want Danny to love him, because it would make his life so much easier, that wasn't what he had meant. He certainly didn't want the boy to suffer like he was right now. With a soft sigh, the brunette shook his head lightly, pushed himself to his feet and crossed the room to the blonde in a few long strides. Upon reaching the miserable looking boy, he gently peeled his hands from the table, and held them in his own.

”Don't do this, please...” Oliver had dropped his voice to a whisper, and closed his eyes. He was beginning to feel quite ill, and what he was doing hurt him in two ways. Hurting Danny hurt, and being this close to him hurt. He'd known he would have to do one of them, but had never expected to do both. Taking a deep breath, he carried on. ”Maybe... Maybe you can, but... but I'm not sure I can. I don't know what you think of me, Evan, and I don't know what you think I am... but I'm not... I'm no good. I couldn't make you happy, and that's what you deserve most.”

[Danny Bailey]

Evan. He'd. He'd called him. But. That meant. He. "You...remember." It wasn't a question, because he'd slipped up. He'd called him Evan, which was something he'd only asked him that night at the pitch. If he remembered, then why had he ignored him like this? Why had he insisted on treating him so cruelly if he knew how it would hurt him? Did he honestly not care? Was it that simple to just forget about their night. Did it not mean anything to the brunette?

"I can. And I am. But that all doesn't matter so much if you don't want me to...and you don't. Right?" Regardless of what he'd said, of how he'd stated that he would like him even when sober, Oliver Pace didn't want to be liked. He didn't want Danny to be in love with him, even though he hadn't asked for a single thing. And he never would. Because that wasn't what being in love was about. It wasn't about being selfish, about wanting something, it was just...loving what was there. And he did. That he did.

[Oliver Pace]

Oh man. He hadn't noticed his slip up, but Danny obviously had. Biting his lip, Oliver tore his eyes away from the blonde in front of him and fixed them awkwardly on the floor. ”Yeah. I remember...I always do. It's like a freaking curse.” He mumbled to the ground, before stealing a glance back to the other. It proved rather impossible to keep his eyes off of the beautiful boy, and as much as he fought it, he just couldn't stop staring. ”I'm... I'm sorry. I am...”

He couldn't give Danny any answers, and he couldn't really explain what he'd done either. Not that it matter, because any explanations he gave wouldn't make things any better. Frowning at the stone floor, Oliver occasionally raised his gaze, opened his mouth as if to speak, then sighed and hung his head again. Finally, he ran a hand through his hair and gave up on trying to find an excuse. Deciding to skip the man's question altogether, he spoke up. ”I told you. It wouldn't be easy, I told you. Even if I really, really loved you and you were all I had and my life depended on you, I'd probably still act the same way... It was never going to be easy and, and I tried to tell you...”

Frustrated with himself and the situation, Oliver dropped the boy's hands and turned away, rubbing at his forehead as he did so. He was a world-class idiot, and it was even more annoying to think that, if only he'd reacted slightly differently after that night, they'd probably be a happier pair of males right now. Still, the Pace family never were good at making clever decisions.

[Danny Bailey]

Even if I really really loved you. Which he didn't, because if he did, he'd have said it. Oliver was honest, or well, Danny assumed he was right now. Even though he'd been avoided, he didn't think the Ravenclaw would lie straight to his face. "So this is my fault? I should've known better than to fall for you?" Was the other trying to make him angry? Did he think it would be easier if they ended the night in another fight, like they had done the first time they met? He'd felt awful after, and besides, he didn't think he could say anything mean to the boy.

"I wish I could choose...It'd be so much easier if I could just decide whether or not to like someone. This isn't easy for me...I haven't ever felt this way about anyone. And yeah, no, I'm not exactly okay. It hurts. But I'll deal." Oliver didn't want him, or just didn't want to want him, whatever that meant, and it boiled down to the simple fact that he had to get over him. He would, it would just take some time.

[Oliver Pace]

Exasperated, Oliver ran his hands through his hair. He was more than ready to leave the room and hide away, just so he didn't have to face Danny any more, but he doubted that was possible. They shared a whole bunch of lessons, it was impossible not to run in to him. Though the blonde was so frustrating, perhaps because of the amount he'd had to drink, or just because the Ravenclaw didn't want to be standing here, desperately failing to explain himself. He couldn't tell the smaller boy that he loved him, because that just wouldn't be true. He couldn't tell him he liked him, either, because... well, he didn't know why. There was just a mental block, preventing him from saying so.

”I... God – No...” Oliver sighed, rubbing at his eyes. It would have been so much easier for him not to say a single thing. Still, he'd started now, and he continued in a quiet, calm but miserable voice. ”I... Don't know what you want me to say. I can't say I love you if I don't... how could I? But-” He wasn't sure Danny could ever realise how difficult it was for him to say this. For someone who was apparently a massive manwhore, he seemed to have committed himself pretty easily. Oliver just couldn't do that. Turning around again, he rubbed at his forehead before opening his eyes, instantly regretting that decision. He'd forgotten how close he'd been standing to the blonde, and couldn't help staring at him. ”B-But, I...” The dark haired boy found himself staring at those beautiful eyes once again, and instinctively leant towards him, but caught himself just in time. This just wasn't fair.

[Danny Bailey]

The thing was, Danny hadn't asked for Oliver to say that he loved him. He hadn't asked for a single thing, not once during this entire fucked up relationship. He just needed the other to know how he felt, not expecting it to change anything. But hearing all this hurt. It made him feel as if he was nothing special. "But what?" He'd caught how the brunette had leaned in towards him, a flash of hurt appearing in his eyes. "You don't love me but you don't mind a little make out? Cause I'm just the school whore?" It was said harshly, but the anger was directed at himself. Maybe if he'd been less promiscuous, Oli wouldn't mind being with him so much.

"You know, I'm actually pathetic enough to settle for that? Cause, I like you, and I want to kiss you, even if it's not right. Even if I shouldn't want it cause the circumstances are all wrong." Te blonde looked positively miserable, staring down at the floor before looking back up at Oliver. "So, y'know, if that's what you want, I'll just pretend it means as little to me as it does to you. Just another make out." God, he was pathetic. If Harriet would have been here she would've slapped him silly.

[Oliver Pace]

The blonde's words made him snap out of it, and once again, Oliver backed away from the boy and, closing his eyes, shook his head. This boy was just impossible, wasn't he? He was starting to give up, because there seemed to be no way of getting anything through to Danny. The Hufflepuff seemed to have the idea that he was being used stuck in his head, and nothing he was changing was altering it. With a sigh, Oliver ran his hand through his hair. "Yeah. That's exactly it."

Had Danny not known him at all before their whole little...whatever this is? It seemed impossible to the taller boy that anyone who had encountered him sober could think that of him. But, he supposed, the Hufflepuff hadn't known him that well, really. "Because, you know, when we met I was a total rampaging ball of lust, wasn't I? I couldn't STOP making out with people. And I totally hunted you out, because I figured, hey, that Daniel's a" He added air quotations here for emphasis, " 'whore' and I should obviously get a bit of that."

He sighed again, frustrated with the little blonde. "So, despite the fact that I've been here for what, half a year maybe? You've been in loads of my classes, I've seen you everywhere and I seem to have an inbuilt ability to find you even when I don't want to, so if I really wanted, I could have found you. And despite the fact that I obviously liked you since the first time I really spoke to you, but couldn't even bring myself to look at you, or even TELL you until I was drunk... Obviously, all I wanted all that time was a good snog. That really has to be the only sensible conclusion."

Oliver was impressed that he'd managed to keep his volume controlled and his anger level down, but he put it down to the fact that, no matter how frustrated and irritated he got, he couldn't be angry at the blonde, even if he tried. He backed away from Danny a bit further, and gave him one more slight, sad glance. "I don't know why I'm still here. I'm probably holding on to something, I don't know. But if that's what you think, then just tell me, and I won't bother, I'll just go."

[Danny Bailey]

Danny wasn't quite sure what he'd expected, but it wasn't this. This rant, this sea of words that was spilled over him, leaving him breathless and confused. "I think" His voice was thick, tears behind his eyelids though he refused to let them spill over his cheeks. "I think you just...you confuse me" It sounded helpless, the blonde digging his nails into the table he still rested against, sighing deeply.

"I mean, you're all...yeah I like you, and then you go and treat me like you don't, and okay you said it wouldn't be easy but I just figured you'd at least...I don't know...say hi to me or something. But you go and pretend that nothing ever happened and you leave me feeling like this, not knowing if I'm the only one and...it'd all just be so much easier if you cared for me" He took a deep breath, knowing that if he didn't stop himself soon, he'd end up rambling and saying things he regretted. And they were already so close to a fight.

The blonde cast one last, desperate look at the taller boy, before taking his hand in his. "I like you. A lot. And I'm not asking for you to love me or even want to be with me, but just...can't we at least be friends?" It'd be easier to be by his side, to be allowed to make him smile, talk to him, simple things like that. "I really hated it when you avoided me. I mean, I'd understand if I'd been all over you or something but I wasn't...I was just trying to be good and just...I don't know. Say hello or something. Be in your life. That's all I want. And if you don't want me, if you don't like me, then I'll deal with that. But don't just cast me aside because that makes me feel as if I'm really nothing more than a whore."