Praying for a happy ending [future hubbie]

[Ryan Robins]

The fact that she was glad it was him made him smile, though part of it was a sad smile. She shouldn't be pleased, in fact, she should feel even worse knowing that his life was so full of problems. Although he wanted to tell her that, part of him debated over it for a second, leaving him silent until she'd told him that perhaps it might be better to go inside. Huh. Apparently it had started raining a little, and he hadn't noticed. Biting down on his lip, he nodded, extending a hand to pull her back to her feet.

"I would tell you that you shouldn't be happy it's me, but I don't know if that will change anything. Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy that you're willing to try this, but it's not going to be easy. I'm...generally not a good person to be around. I'm difficult to be with....I guess all I can say is that I'll try, and that I'll do my best not to hurt you." Ryan paused to look at her for a moment, running his eyes over her face, her lovely features. She would make a beautiful wife, and he could imagine that his parents were already envisioning their children. Hopefully though, it wouldn't come to that for a long time. Getting married at sixteen was one thing, becoming a father...well let's just say he wasn't ready for that to happen for a good long while.

Feeling a raindrop splash onto his face, he smiled a little. "Care to get a drink with me in the kitchens? Or would you rather have some time alone, to absorb all this?" Either way was good with him. If they spent some time together, they'd probably learn how to deal with this situation better. If she wanted to be alone, he'd simply go out for a run.

[Jyn McCloudy]

Jyn didn’t really know how to act from now on. Where they together now? Everything was really confusing but she was too shy to ask Ryan about it. He said they could at least try to be together even if it didn’t sound really good. How could you -try- to be with someone? Wasn’t it all about -wanting- to be with someone? But Ryan did have a point. Jyn did like him and even if she was only crushing on him his name would be the first that would appear in her mind if someone asked her to pick a guy to date. It would be Ryan, for sure.

Still. This was really awkward wasn’t it?

She shyly took his hand and let him help her back to her feet. Of all things she heard about him through rumors, there was one thing she knew was true. He was the sweetest guy she knew. Even if his parents had always invited her to come to Ryan’s birthday parties –she’d always figured it probably wasn’t him who invited her all these years- he had always made her feel welcome. As if it had been him who wanted to have her company. And now, even now when everything was messed up he was being the sweetest guy ever.

For a moment Jyn looked away as she could feel her eyes water up again. She shouldn’t be happy that it was him she was going to marry? In her mind getting married was awful right now but getting married to a guy like Nathan Spencer or Alfie Chase was way worse than getting married to Ryan. So hell yeah, compared to those options she was happy it was him!
But it still hurt to hear him say she shouldn’t be happy even if he was glad that she was willing to try this thing. It made her feel not good enough and destroyed the tiny bit of secret hope she had been having all this years that maybe, just maybe, Ryan would feel the same way about her as she did about him.

Jyn blinked a few times and kept her eyes averted. “You’re good to me.” She softly said, forcing herself not to cry again. “I still believe that won’t change.” Jyn was smart enough to know that wouldn’t change after all these years. Why would it when all he had been doing was being nice to her? Once she knew no more tears would run down her cheeks she carefully looked up again. Although the tears did remain burning behind her eyes.

She shook her head and forced herself to smile, accepting his offer. “I could use some hot chocolate the size of a bucket by now.”, she joked trying to make this whole situation seem less intense. While she kept her hand in his she took deep breaths, absorbing the cold air as they made their way back to the castle. Thing were going to be alright. Jyn kept repeating that in her mind with every step she took. It just had to be alright. It just had to be.

Things would be different now though.

Really different.

[Ryan Robins]

Ryan took their tangled hands and brushed a stray tear from her cheek, looking at her with soft blue eyes. "See, I'm already making you cry. I'm really not saying these things to get rid of you Jyn, I swear. It's just...you deserve to know what you're getting into, is all. It might be easier for you if we didn't try, but I'm selfish enough to want to try it...I hope that's okay." He wished that he had the right words to tell her what he wanted, what he needed, and most importantly, what was wrong with him. But his disorder was exactly what was holding him back right now, because despite everything, he really didn't want her to leave him. She'd be another person giving up, deciding that he wasn't worth the effort, and he'd already had too many people doing that to him.

Even so, he didn't expect her to be able to save him. He was beyond redemption, as he'd been told on many occasions.

"A bucket it is then" He tried to lighten the mood again by responding to her comment about the hot chocolate, and gently led her towards the kitchens, their hands still entangled even when they entered the school. If they were dating, hell, if they were getting married, it was the least he could do in public. She deserved the best and he sincerely hoped no one would give her a hard time about this, but if she was his girl, he wanted the world to know.

Contrary to popular belief, Ryan didn't often do this kind of thing. Sure, he spent time with people, he kissed and made out and screwed around, but he didn't walk through corridors holding hands with people. It was reserved for those few that had actually made it to the top of his list, the few that he'd actually tried with and for. Ryan wouldn't make her any promises he couldn't keep, but he did it in his mind anyway. He promised himself that he'd try, that he'd work harder for this than he'd worked for anything in the past. This time, it had to be different.